I Was Just a Boy He Once Knew

26th April was a good day I know how good I felt 27th April looking back is so tainted now with pain This love bruised me beyond repair it destroyed me My tears stung and burnt my face in first degree My heart broke then shattered like glass usually does My soul destroyed itself inside out like it had a Trojan horse My mind cannot reason what just happened it’s gone static My all just falls to the ground like it was thrown away He is no more the guy I first once knew I didn’t meet his expectation, his words exactly I know him so well and how he loves and loved He did love me but denied it just to hurt me more He convinced me I didn’t exist as a lover to him I wasn’t his boyfriend, partner or even his long term date You have no label - I don’t want to label you – he said From him hurting me - it makes me want to hurt him back But hurting him only hurts me more than ever He has erased me out his memory 7 months of it Ironically I am alive I exist but know how to not exist for a time You feel weak and you feel kicked in the stomach At 1 stage I couldn’t recognize my name being called So lost I felt and fed on it as a drug of release and escapism I was crushed that day he swore and cursed my existence I had no response in the face of pure hate but stood tall I’ve been through worse and knew I could take it all Those words felt like spit in my face with the lack of respect I endured the humiliation and finally broke apart with tears I tried to explain but he knew he'd already undermined me He hated that I was emotional – yet he was cold I was poor – he did at the end remind me I had nothing He sent screen dumps of my messages and my private pictures to friends Poking fun at my emotional downfall – those were my private thoughts He is unapologetically incapable as he just don't know about humility But again I can’t stop blaming myself and cry myself to sleep It’s just the way it is for now till whenever it leaves me I am still in love with him even after all the drama and **** I still message him when restraint can’t no more hold me in chains I check up on his cat as much as I can - a deaf kitty deserves the most I can’t handle losing people I love - it scares me beyond fear I know his friends said quite derogatory things about me - ITS OK I will take as much blame as I can bear so he can be guilt free As always I will go on with my life, my family and my friends As in the lyrics and music of an EVITA song: “I WAS JUST A (BOY) HE ONCE KNEW….”