I Was Just a Boy He Once Knew
26th April was a good day I know how good I felt
27th April looking back is so tainted now with pain
This love bruised me beyond repair it destroyed me
My tears stung and burnt my face in first degree
My heart broke then shattered like glass usually does
My soul destroyed itself inside out like it had a Trojan horse
My mind cannot reason what just happened it’s gone static
My all just falls to the ground like it was thrown away
He is no more the guy I first once knew
I didn’t meet his expectation, his words exactly
I know him so well and how he loves and loved
He did love me but denied it just to hurt me more
He convinced me I didn’t exist as a lover to him
I wasn’t his boyfriend, partner or even his long term date
You have no label - I don’t want to label you – he said
From him hurting me - it makes me want to hurt him back
But hurting him only hurts me more than ever
He has erased me out his memory 7 months of it
Ironically I am alive I exist but know how to not exist for a time
You feel weak and you feel kicked in the stomach
At 1 stage I couldn’t recognize my name being called
So lost I felt and fed on it as a drug of release and escapism
I was crushed that day he swore and cursed my existence
I had no response in the face of pure hate but stood tall
I’ve been through worse and knew I could take it all
Those words felt like spit in my face with the lack of respect
I endured the humiliation and finally broke apart with tears
I tried to explain but he knew he'd already undermined me
He hated that I was emotional – yet he was cold
I was poor – he did at the end remind me I had nothing
He sent screen dumps of my messages and my private pictures to friends
Poking fun at my emotional downfall – those were my private thoughts
He is unapologetically incapable as he just don't know about humility
But again I can’t stop blaming myself and cry myself to sleep
It’s just the way it is for now till whenever it leaves me
I am still in love with him even after all the drama and ****
I still message him when restraint can’t no more hold me in chains
I check up on his cat as much as I can - a deaf kitty deserves the most
I can’t handle losing people I love - it scares me beyond fear
I know his friends said quite derogatory things about me - ITS OK
I will take as much blame as I can bear so he can be guilt free
As always I will go on with my life, my family and my friends
As in the lyrics and music of an EVITA song:
“I WAS JUST A (BOY) HE ONCE KNEW….”
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