I Was a Simply Complex Pre-Teen

I find it complicated When I feel very much jaded I find it oh so extremely hard these days To express myself as a bard in many ways It’s simply shameful to say the least That I was introduced to the dark beast It’s simply shameful to say I’m worse off tremendously If I’m falling away on the edge of ecstatic, enigmatic negativity You don’t listen to what I say, what I say You talk nonchalantly all night and day Your eyes still glisten and it does what it may But, do you really obey or do you turn away? Don’t know what I’m doing here But, I’m so full of fear, my dear I need a reason to believe in myself once more Give me a season of growth and security to soar My hopes are shattered into utter smithereens Waiting for happiness in store to intervene With my sadness to the core in my pre-teens… For, I’m handsome in my pain left unseen Your keen, green eyes glimmer anew Your monstrous, disastrous love flu Got me under your dazzling, insidious spell Dark and sinister was my thoughts of pell-mell I’ve been awfully misunderstood for several, mindless ages… Never really realizing that I’ve been through so many phases Recognizing myself in another light all over again…once again… Wandering in the woods of my mind, ending up in your den Since I was born, I was so forlorn… Wondering when is the time I grow up and find That all the happiness inside was truly left behind I could’ve sworn I have been torn… Pondering how in the world I got into this stage in life That has brought me so much bitterness and strife This monster is devouring all of me deep down Maddening, distressing anxiety is my crown And from the inside out, I’ve been sprawled with doubt and I’m left to roam another route (and I angrily shout) And from the outside in, I don’t know where to begin when I am left with this abominable sin (mercilessly from within) I don’t know where to begin — my faith is rather paper thin — When God forgives my sins from within and I’m His earnest kin I find His mercy complicated, yet simply full of prudent brilliance This jaded, pensive poet I once was but now, I find true significance