I Should Have Just Slept

I apologize for my inability to rest. But my introspection is being put to the test. Am I a plus, a positive, something good? Or am I corroding, decaying, destroying whatever could Have been right and true and who I should be? I said I wanted to be a strong, sheltering, life-giving tree, But listen a second and tell me who and what you see. Because I’m ashamed it is a cowardly, foolish, arrogant me. The me who was afraid to say something as my brothers were beat Because I was fearful she would turn and I’d take all the heat. The fool who thought I need not the wisdom of elders, I’ll be fine on my own And then got into tough circumstances when my folly was shown. The me who, though working on it, still judges quickly and looks down While readjusting an invisible, nonexistent, self-appointed crown. I am attempting to be wiser, to know better, to be brave, just a touch, But I fear I make no progress and what I’ve done hasn’t helped me grow much. Always the same scared child I ever was, Always having a stomach that does as it does, Always choking on a tongue when it’s time to speak, Always having fear and anxiety out of every pore leak. I apologize for my inability to rest But at least my introspective self has finished his quest. I suppose I no longer have a question about good or bad, But rather an answer to the query I previously had. It is neither, just a tool to open eyes, help me see, With full vision, and crystal clarity who I am, who is me. Though the thought journey wasn’t my favorite, and some places got a bit rough, At least I have my answer. The most inner me knows, I’m still not enough.