I Impressed You, So It Was Worth It

We had just started dating when you locked you keys in the car. The window was cracked so I shoved my arm in. I couldn’t reach the door lock since my arm is straight. So I broke my arm in an L shape and unlocked the door. I impressed you, so it was worth it. We had been dating a couple weeks when I finally got the courage for our first kiss. It was so powerful it curled my toenails. I had to go to the podiatrist to get my toenails removed. I had to wear special medical boots and endure pain for months. I impressed you, so it was worth it. One day we were walking on the nature trail in the park. There was a snake on your side of the trail but you didn’t see it. I pushed you out of the way and took the snake bite. I lost half of my left calf muscle. I impressed you, so it was worth it. We were walking home in a bad storm when an electric line broke above. I threw you out of the way to safety. The electric line came down and hit my left arm. It was only for a second but it was long enough to burn my left arm off. I impressed you, so it was worth it. In a store a fight broke out right next to us. A wild punch was headed your way. I stepped in and took the punch for you. I had a badly broken nose that is permanently crooked. I impressed you, so it was worth it. After dating for six months I asked you to marry me. You were brutally honest in your answer. “No, I can’t marry a man with no toenails, half a calf muscle, only one arm and that one is L shaped (even after surgery), a crooked nose and lives on disability because he can’t work.” I responded calmly and rationally to you. You Suck!