I Impressed You, So It Was Worth It
We had just started dating when you locked you keys in the car.
The window was cracked so I shoved my arm in.
I couldn’t reach the door lock since my arm is straight.
So I broke my arm in an L shape and unlocked the door.
I impressed you, so it was worth it.
We had been dating a couple weeks when I finally got the courage for our first kiss.
It was so powerful it curled my toenails.
I had to go to the podiatrist to get my toenails removed.
I had to wear special medical boots and endure pain for months.
I impressed you, so it was worth it.
One day we were walking on the nature trail in the park.
There was a snake on your side of the trail but you didn’t see it.
I pushed you out of the way and took the snake bite.
I lost half of my left calf muscle.
I impressed you, so it was worth it.
We were walking home in a bad storm when an electric line broke above.
I threw you out of the way to safety.
The electric line came down and hit my left arm.
It was only for a second but it was long enough to burn my left arm off.
I impressed you, so it was worth it.
In a store a fight broke out right next to us.
A wild punch was headed your way.
I stepped in and took the punch for you.
I had a badly broken nose that is permanently crooked.
I impressed you, so it was worth it.
After dating for six months I asked you to marry me.
You were brutally honest in your answer.
“No, I can’t marry a man with no toenails, half a calf muscle, only one arm and that one is L shaped (even after surgery), a crooked nose and lives on disability because he can’t work.”
I responded calmly and rationally to you.
You Suck!
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