I Cannot Word It Best

Where can I trace this finite feeling, So that you may see it in its true form? Upon your heart I would wish it would land, Yet could my silly hands possibly reach there? Such an affecting grasp it would have to be, A fervent fingering, restless and wonting, Submerged in the mortification of my true thoughts No, I cannot word it best in your presence, Let alone in the privacy of my avid writhing You would quickly think me mad If I were to even attempt If I were to even try See, when I touch, I fear And I fall Quickly, quickly now I see you have mastered your rhetoric And I wonder, wonder, with hellish anxiety How can such easy words just drift off your lips? Can they see how trying it is for me to simply breathe? To process all their meaning, To sift them over and over And to push them from my prodding As my silence swallows all its rages And it is such a thirstful rage That blooms every flower I feel for you It is a red, dark, oozing rage, Longing to be caressed by clarity, Longing to be seized by you No, I cannot word it best If I were alone, wild and free, Forgetting every mountain I must climb, Pushing everything rotting me away… If I were free to dance in screaming rain, Or quarrel heatedly with a furious wind, I could not say it loud enough, Nor strong enough Words only stump me, Their form in my shaking mouth would justly falter, The pull of their tides sinking me I am wavering in your presence Imminently, doggedly, candidly I am quiet, for I am weak for you I am easy enough, Though my obscured world complicates me As yours enthralls me Is it then that my silence is my true strength, That holds all the meaning I could possibly imagine? If you were to pierce that essence With anything more than your words, I would cross thresholds of desires impermeable Miles and miles of winds would be hushed by them Melting in the magma of my drive Rapids of rain soaking into the soil of sweet defeat Compelling puddled reflections every which way I cannot word it best If I were to be sworn into confession Tied up tight facing demanding, persuasive questions I could not dream to baptize you with my strangest waters With my oddest words of love For you would see too soon that I am haunted Crushed even, In the silences and woes that most disregard Because in my love You would soon find desolate greed Mixed with the pains and anguishes of my past You would see my rage take form In such a gentle lie Squeezing every possible feeling Into a quickly cooling, solid rock I always fear I always fall Yet, In all the coldness of my insecurities, No heat melts me more than the thought of your love I see it clearly through your seamless strength I could not bear to see you go Those words you utter That love you show No, I could not dream… If I were to bring myself to speak, To bravely trace those fingers on your heart, To kiss your mind, I would hope that you could breathe with me I would wish you would perceive with me All that is languishing underneath February 3, 2018