I Cannot
this morning i woke up feeling like i wanted to cry
my life felt weak and uninspiring
this feeling is natural and i’ve never known the pleasure
of day without it
but
today was different
i got up and took it back
i decided that it was time to give this feeling back
to the one who is the parent
i cannot be in control anymore
i will not be the one that feels guilty when i live my life
i cannot take away your guilt or sadness
i have to let what was in the past be
i cannot make it better for you
that is your feeling to give back
to the one who has never been there
i cannot make you want me
i will not make the attempt of contact
it’s been too long to even try understand why you never tried
i cannot make it better for you
that is your feeling to give back
to the one who is absent
i cannot make you be happy
i will not force you to love me more than you can
i cannot be the one who tries to make you smile
i have to let you figure out what or who is missing in your life
i cannot make it better for you
that is your feeling to give back
this morning i looked in the mirror and smiled
i’m still not sure who the person was that smiled back
but i liked her, who she has become
i have a new feeling of hope and peace
and even though the process will continue to be a torturous war
i will only allow goodness in my life
i cannot make you like me and my world
i will not make you stay
if you don’t like my being i’m sorry
but i’m too tired to give up on this life
that i have struggled to build
Copyright © Misty Miller | Year Posted 2015
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