I Cannot

this morning i woke up feeling like i wanted to cry my life felt weak and uninspiring this feeling is natural and i’ve never known the pleasure of day without it but today was different i got up and took it back i decided that it was time to give this feeling back to the one who is the parent i cannot be in control anymore i will not be the one that feels guilty when i live my life i cannot take away your guilt or sadness i have to let what was in the past be i cannot make it better for you that is your feeling to give back to the one who has never been there i cannot make you want me i will not make the attempt of contact it’s been too long to even try understand why you never tried i cannot make it better for you that is your feeling to give back to the one who is absent i cannot make you be happy i will not force you to love me more than you can i cannot be the one who tries to make you smile i have to let you figure out what or who is missing in your life i cannot make it better for you that is your feeling to give back this morning i looked in the mirror and smiled i’m still not sure who the person was that smiled back but i liked her, who she has become i have a new feeling of hope and peace and even though the process will continue to be a torturous war i will only allow goodness in my life i cannot make you like me and my world i will not make you stay if you don’t like my being i’m sorry but i’m too tired to give up on this life that i have struggled to build