I Apologize

I take a hit; with every hit my depression tends to fade. This temporary high makes this world a better place. I apologize to my family, my kids who I've pushed away but If I stayed around I would have ruined your better days. If I'd hold you in my arms for a second then took my self away, would you be okay? Or it it better that I stay away until my mind and heart is okay? I want to heal. Who wants to be strung out? Not knowing what moment would have been my last hit. Who wants to not be in control of their own body? Not me, but this drug is my only escape. Asking you to understand me is selfish. I just need some time and if forever is what I take, I apologize. Apologize for my mistakes. Apologize for choosing drugs over everything I had at stake. Hopefully it doesn't defeat me in the end but honestly, at this moment these are the chances I am willing to take, and if I do not come around before it is to late I APOLOGIZE.