I am Lost-contaminated

It’s hard for me to differentiate between Truth and lies.. it was hard to come to terms with the facts But right now, the fact is I’m lost I thought I was smarter i thought I was wiser I studied for situations like this? I studied the map, I researched… I’m Book smart maybe? if even that Scared;trembling taking forward steps but only moving back I thought I was SMART, everyone says I’m BRIGHT since I was a child EVERYONE calls me smart How could I? How could I allow myself to fall how could I condone myself faltering to temptation.. how could I willingly drink from this river of desire, hypocrisy? Plantitive truth? But how was I supposed to know This river was tainted? when the waters crystal blue. I have to place the blame.. maybe uhh maybe These damn eyes, I couldnt see that’s why I drank from the tainted river that’s why I got lost I couldn’t see and I forgot what I was looking for and I just wanna be loved and I just wanted peace and I just wanted you to want me so I took a sip of the clear water OK! and I just… I just couldn’t see? But everyone constantly reminds me I’m so bright.. is my light dimming is that why I got lost? Is that why when you no.. when it.. the water touched me it felt as though It illuminated me? I’d never felt illuminated before.. I’ve become sprung out? Addicted to this this feeling of you.. of this water quenching my thirst .. Is it Because my bright light was dimming? Because I was so thirsty and lost that when I saw the sight of clean seemingly fresh water I ran to it. How else could I explain this I’m outside walking the same path I walk everyday, living the same life in the same skin yet I’m lost, and I’m sick on bad judgement from a river that portrayed itself as clean water . I walk through leaves I touched grass dipped my fingers in the water seduced the environment with the hopes that my seductive tactics would illuminate me the same way in which you..in which the water did .. in hopes that my seductive tactics will cleanse the water purify the rivers allow me to drink with no harm to my body .. no harm to my soul But I should’ve known of course, like I said I studied for this . I studied for blatant lies, I studied and if studying didn’t amount my MANY MANY experiences with the wild should’ve helped me no? NO. My experience made me nothing except susceptible to lies, manipulation, deterioration,pain,tears and.. contaminated rivers But honestly there’s nobody to blame, excuses are irrelevant the fact of the matter is I drunk the water, I drunk it proudly despite my research despite my experience,despite being “bright” I drunk until I was inebriated I drunk until i felt icould no longer live without Though I’ve now fallen sickly, and I wish for nothing except the cleansing of my now contaminated body,soul, mind I wish for nothing but the cleansing of my now contaminated mouth