How do you tell them their little girl will die?
I am 15 years old.
They say my mind is scattered stars,
too many, too bright, too far apart.
A sky that sparkles wildly,
never settling into constellations.
I try. God, I try.
To sit still in a room that moves faster than me,
to focus while my thoughts
bounce like marbles down cathedral halls.
The world whispers lazy
while I carry lightning in my chest.
I am chaos stitched in skin,
a spark mistaken for a storm.
Pain blooms behind my eyes,
dark roses growing where thoughts should live.
Migraines hum like broken hymns.
Doctors scan, stare, and shift their tone.
Masses press into the space
that once held dreams, distractions,
love, music, and fire.
They call me brave.
Fear curls around my ribs anyway.
I don’t want to become a memory.
I don’t want to be
just the girl with messy hair,
ADHD, and a ticking clock
buried in her skull.
I want to write songs in the dark.
I want to kiss someone
and feel it in my spine.
I want to forget my meds
without being punished by silence.
I want to lose track of time
without losing pieces of myself.
Each day, I flicker.
Light slips through me quietly,
as if my brain is slowly
erasing what makes me bright.
Let them remember me
as more than a mess.
Let them hear the music
I hum when no one listens.
Let them see what I see:
cracks in ceilings,
truth behind blinks,
love blooming in silence.
I am a girl
with a thousand unfinished thoughts,
still, I am whole.
The stars dim around me now.
Still, I shine in broken patterns.
Still, I hope someone like me
lives long enough
to finish the song.
Copyright © Amanda Nolan | Year Posted 2025
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