How Could It Be

How could Mom know what it was like to grow up in a family of six kids She was an only child until she got her much awaited baby brother Then her maternal instincts kicked in at the ripe old age of four She was ecstatic at becoming a big sister and little mother She naturally believed that intense loving bond Simply appears out of nowhere without intervention How could she know what it was like to grow up in a family of six kids That maternal instinct among siblings sure would have been awesome Alas I was the eldest and my maternal instinct never kicked in I think all I would have needed was a little nudging I never realized how precious my support would have been I remember feeling I needed to get out of the way so I did There was a subtle underlying stress hovering quietly throughout Really it was everyone for themselves We all went our separate ways Well, the eldest anyway Leaving the younger three to fend for themselves Don’t get me wrong nobody was ever mistreated It’s just that there could have been so much more More caring more encouraging more loving Not once do I remember Reading a bedtime story to my young siblings Not once do I remember Playing with them or making the least effort to entertain them A birthday was nothing more than a chance to eat cake Unless it was our turn, it just didn’t concern us I do remember vaguely more interaction and chatter The month that led to Christmas and that sort of brought us closer Not once do I remember Making any special effort To show them they were special and loved How could that be? I truly hope the problem is with my memory It’s a little late to ask for a second chance