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Hovering Moon

Where hovering Moon touches field of ripened corn Lone ragged tree contrives to fracture perfectness. Heavens jostling myriads eager to witness how Moon Responds to such deliberate and provocative arrogance. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Where the hovering Moon touches the field of ripened corn A lone ragged tree contrives to fracture the perfectness. Heavens jostling myriads are eager to witness how the Moon Will respond to such deliberate and provocative arrogance.

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Susan Ashley

Date: 8/2/2025 9:10:00 AM

Dear John, you present a thoughtful dilemma with two versions of your beautiful and thought-provoking poem. The lines; "Lone ragged tree contrives to fracture perfectness" and "how Moon/Responds to such deliberate and provocative arrogance" sets up the tension/conflict and anticipation/resolution in the poem with finesse. The open ending allows us to wonder. I prefer the first version, as I feel it's poetry whereas the second version I feel is prose. But I have no knowledge of Chinese poetry to offer lol. Warmest wishes.. ~Susan

Brenda Chiri

Date: 7/31/2025 7:52:00 AM

You are just too poetic my friend;) loved it of course I don’t think you have disappointed!;)

John Fleming
Date: 7/31/2025 8:00:00 AM

Thank you, Brenda Lee. No one has been more generous than you with your lovely comments. In affection. :) john

Crystol Woods

Date: 7/29/2025 1:04:00 PM

Two choices?! Both look and sound great... I'm partial to the second I think. Love the personification qualities. Xo

John Fleming
Date: 7/30/2025 11:38:00 AM

Thanks, Crystol. It seems just about everyone prefers the 2nd (the original) version. Chinese poetry is very 'abrupt'. I think the less Anglo-Saxon 'joining' words the better. Either way...I am more than happy with it. Cheers! :) john

Millard Lowe

Date: 7/28/2025 9:05:00 AM

Another profound canvassing, John. Within me, many deep thoughts were provoked by the allegorical messaging in this poem's canvases. For example, in one awareness, I felt how both the moon and the sage tree reflected faith and hope in spiritual resurrection from the "downings" experienced in life's trials and tribulations. That's how deep this inspiring share was to me, my fellow poet. Thanks for the share. ONE. Peace and Love.

John Fleming
Date: 7/28/2025 3:22:00 PM

Thank you, Millard. I really appreciate your kind and generous comments...I also enjoyed your own interpretation of the poem...I guess we all see things in a slightly different light to each other. :) john

Valsa George

Date: 7/27/2025 10:28:00 PM

The uninterrupted movement of the moon is obstructed by the tall rugged tree. It should be seen as an act of arrogance... standing in the way of the Night Queen's royal procession :) :) Though both the quatrains are almost similar, I prefer the latter. Well done friend.

John Fleming
Date: 7/28/2025 6:10:00 AM

Loved your comment, Valsa. Much obliged! :) john

Rowena Velasco

Date: 7/27/2025 8:55:00 PM

Love the image of the lone tree challenging the moon—such a bold, almost playful vibe. The second version flows more smoothly, but both paint a really striking scene. That last line is gold!

John Fleming
Date: 7/28/2025 6:07:00 AM

The poem was inspired by a picture I saw when reading some Chinese poetry a day or two ago. An enormous, perfectly round Moon seemingly brushing a field of ripening crops. The only thing that spoilt the perfect roundness was a ragged tree in the foreground that interrupted the Moon's silhouette with its thin protruding branches. I found it really quite compelling tell the truth...hence the poem :) john

Sara Etgen-Baker

Date: 7/27/2025 4:53:00 PM

I can see the difference between the two versions....not sure if I prefer one over the other...but probably the 2d one.

John Fleming
Date: 7/28/2025 5:55:00 AM

It would seem by the comments, that you all prefer the 2nd one. So did I originally...not so sure now - lol. :) john

Mystic Rose Rose

Date: 7/27/2025 10:08:00 AM

The moon is very flexible John, it knows how to go around and bathe everything in sight, even a lone ragged tree. :)

John Fleming
Date: 7/27/2025 4:05:00 PM

I really like your reply, Rose. All rather thought-provoking! Many thanks! :) john

Tom Woody

Date: 7/27/2025 8:12:00 AM

I see what you've done here. Perfect grammar vs. poetic license. Craig would applaud your first draft, he's a word miser. I'm in the fence but I tend to write more along the lines of your second offering. In any case, the poem itself makes an interesting commentary in the human condition, ie, ego issues

John Fleming
Date: 7/27/2025 4:03:00 PM

The more I read it...the more I am convinced I prefer the stripped down version. When I read short Chinese poems they appear in both sorts of styles. All rather confusing really.

Tom Woody
Date: 7/27/2025 8:13:00 AM

Ha! We must have written comments at the same time. Sorry, no knowledge of Chinese poetry and not familiar with any Chinese poets here though I'm sure there are some

John Fleming

Date: 7/27/2025 8:11:00 AM

Prefer the first version myself. If there are any persons who know a lot more about Chinese poetry than I obviously do...please make some constructive comments. Much obliged! :) john