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Tom Bell | + Follow Poet |
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Horrendous Hobyah Hordes Hijack Hamptonshire

The Scots, by God,
They drove them out,
With a single Yorkie
At their heels a' yappin'
The Hobyahs tried to fly
Their arms they were a flappin'

Some managed to take to sea
And landed in Hamptonshire,
Yes-serieee!!!
But the British Navy would have none of this,
Big battleships they did send
The Hobyahs saw their doom,
Their plans they did amend

They sailed on to American,
Landed at the New Jersey coast,
The hobyahs could find no better host!
They ate their way from Newark
All the way up to Camden
Avoiding kennels and dog warning signs
There was always people on their roast

Now, much of America
Might applaud this you see,
For most of Jersey's citizens
Were as useless as a rubber tree

Then the Jerseyites came up
With a plan,
They bribed the Hobyahs with
16 barges overfilled with McDonalds
Quarter-Pounders with Cheese-
With big sign saying- 
"This Way!!"
"Free PeopleBurgers"!!!!
And Infant Limb Fries!!!!"

Now this was not within
the Hobyah's realm of understanding,
But it sure sounded good....

So on the barges they climbed,
Till each and every one of these fiends
Took to sea, gorging themselves
On what they thought was fast human food

Once out in the bay, the barges were sunk
by remote control

On shore, a Mexican Beach Police Patrolman
was heard to ask Humphery Bogart,
for his beachcomber permit...

Humphrey barked back, "What?- Don't you see the history being made here?
If you're the beach police, let's see your badges!!"
The cop sneered, "Barges?....Barges?????.....We Don't Need No Sinking 
Barges!!!!"

(See "The Treasure of the Sierra Madre")

With the kind permission of Marnie Memis (Oh, I Love that name!)

Copyright © Tom Bell | Year Posted 2008

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