Honestly

Honestly I’m tired. One minute I’m up, the next I’m down. I don’t know what real happiness is anymore. I smile but it’s fake. I laugh but the tears come next. What’s the point? Honestly…what’s the point? What made me happy in the first place? What used to make me smile uncontrollably? I lost it, what it was. I used to find pleasure in the clear blue sky. The cloud formations would make it so peaceful and serene. Now…it’s just a clear blue sky. Nothing peaceful about it. The clouds make no formations that capture the imagination. There are bland as a blank canvas with no artist to bring it to life. I used to find pleasure in listen to the sound of the ocean. Like a fetus in the womb it would calm me, even when it seemed like I couldn’t be consoled. The smell of the water would intoxicate me, in the times where I wasn’t sick from the salt overdose, it would take me on a high that I had never been before, a natural high, a hangover free high. I used to like those highs. That type of high where if you got pulled over they would try to test you for a DUI, but the results would come back negative because no man created machine could test this type of high that came from nature itself in a sweet little package that we need to live everyday. Have you inhaled that package today? No, like seriously. Take a deep breath and just exhale slowly. All the troubles of the world seem to fade away if only for that second. And while a second may seem like a blink of an eye, I’d rather have a blink of filled with peace than one of misery. Remember when the era of innocence used to surround you? God what I wouldn’t do to be innocent again. To be carefree and full of life and just pleasant to be around. Not waiting on others to make decisions but going with the flow and thinking about the consequences later and laughing at yourselves trying to get out of the strangest predicaments. Strange and not dangerous and filled with memories that would last a lifetime instead of ones that would haunt you for eternity. Oh to be innocent again! To be able to console those that shed rivers of tears instead of having to be consoled all the time. But there’s nothing wrong with needing to be consoled, everyone has to shed a tear or two, right? Of course, you have to…that’s the only release that you have. No one is happy all the time. No one.