Hollow

I can feel myself slowly shutting down,  it feels like insanity really. I can hear the beat of my heart echo in my ears, almost like i'm hollow...   I feel like i need to check... I feel as empty as I sound,  I can't seem to be truly be happy anymore,  even when i think i am, I still feel a emptiness clawing at the back of my mind. A void eating away at everything.  Im not sure how to handle it anymore. For years on years I ignored it, denied it, but that's not working anymore. I write, I draw,  anything to get this down on paper, hoping that it will somehow magically disappear, convincing myself of it. I can't seem to get it right though, there's always a detail missed, a word unwritten, so I don't try alot anymore. I don't know why i'm writing this,  now that I let it get so bad.  I know im broken,  I know it's my fault and there's no fixing me but,  I still feel this needs to be written,  and as I write this,  I feel numb.  I should at least feel a little sad, something,  anything. But I don't. I don't wanna put on my facade anymore,  I don't wanna say im ok, i just wanna sit, and think. I want to go deep into my mind and find this thing stealing my emotions, and I want to climb into it,  and finally have silence.