Home » Poems » Janet Runyan » He Has a Death Wish

He Has a Death Wish

He did so many pain killers that should have killed a normal man Eventually he did enough to catch up to him. My Dad got him breathing and the hospital took over Nothing was working in his own He thought he was Superman and we all had to be at his bedside wondering Then the doctor said to decide if it was worth taking care of a vegetable I went to his room alone and yelled at him How can I go on without my big brother, how could his son make it without his father? Two hours after we got home he called and was fine We thought he would be ok. Nobody knew of his death wish But he overdosed time and again and made it Then one day we were doing cocaine. Me, his partner in crime After a while he asked me to watch him, he'd done heroin and wasn't sure if he'd overdone it And I didn't believe he'd ever do that, go that far, so I didn't believe him He fell asleep I woke him, he feel asleep again, I couldn't wake him I lifted his head off his chest and heard the death rattle so I punched him hard in the chest and slapped him in the face He turned blue so I got my father who couldn't find a heart beat and was ready to call the morgue Mother insisted he try harder and he started CPR while she dialed 911 When the medics came to get him I told him what he'd done but they didn't find a hole for the needle He snorted it I said. Not believing me they were gonna bag him so I called his friends I told them again it was heroin so they gave him a shot of whatever it is. They wouldn't let me be there since I'd watched him die. Now he's alive but wishes he'd die. After so many times why? He's got children who love him so much He's my best friend and I do what I can But there's only so much you can do when someone only wish is to die My brother, god love him, has a death wish

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Freddie Robinson Jr.

Date: 11/14/2016 6:43:00 PM

Tragically beautiful poem, Janet. I feel your pain thru your words. I grew up surrounded by drugs in my community, I know the devastation and the hopelessness. Excellent write, Janet. Very painful but true. Ty for sharing such an intimate slice of your life. Love your work, dear. Much love to you.

Janet Runyan
Date: 11/14/2016 7:06:00 PM

It's so true, it's hard to grow up where drugs are pretty much the rule. I got lucky by working so hard and being too busy for that but I still see my brother struggle.

Robert Lindley

Date: 7/21/2015 11:06:00 PM

Years ago I had a good friend that went into hard drugs. He had nobody the help him and after a few years he die doing his drugs, He was only 26! Great writing my friend! Understand this, if you do drugs the results will eventually get even you. My friend had no death wish but he died just the same. A7 on this poem!

Janet Runyan
Date: 7/21/2015 11:17:00 PM

Thank you so much! I really appreciate this from you. That one time with my brother, I didn't do what he did but it did scare me away from trying anything ever again. I have also lost too many friends to drugs. But I chose to hang out with a new group of people. Thanks for your time and wonderful comment :)

James Peranteau

Date: 7/21/2015 7:52:00 AM

Hello Janet. I would like to explain a lil' sump'n to ya. Your brother does not have a death wish. He is lost in the world of "addiction" not "dependency". A soul who is "addicted", does wickedly atrocious amounts of "any" substance. And the soul who is dependant finds theirselves copable within circles consuming what regularly keeps themselves focused and acceptable among others(so they assume). Your brother needs treatment and lots and lots of attention, not in particular..coddled in smothering love...simply the show of kindred concern; which is a wonderful display of love by the way..........

Janet Runyan
Date: 7/21/2015 10:19:00 AM

And I agree he is very dependent. But the first time he was resuscitated he had no oxygen for so long that parts of his brain died and then the last time was the same. I wish for treatment but nobody can afford it. But I am tough love. He says it helps him. Thanks sooo much for reading :) I really appreciate your time

Janet Runyan
Date: 7/21/2015 10:15:00 AM

Oh you totally got this. He's is still an addict but yes I worked hard and got him to move back into my parents house where they even control his medication for him. My little foray was that one night and it scared the want to do anything out of me

James Peranteau
Date: 7/21/2015 8:27:00 AM

...... Your brother may have found himself in the position of grandure with flight of ending timeless moments with life itself, yet, this comes with loosing mental faculties while injesting toxic chemicals. Revive your sibling, take him far away from grasp of the insidious filth, help those distributing the filth to your brother and "yourself" forget that you and your brother were patrons of the such and "shazam" your troubles will eventually melt like the ugly black salty snows in the city's Winter and eventually with prayer and fine food and drink and positive charactors within your new circle, you will smell the blosoms of Spring my dear poetic friend !

James Peranteau
Date: 7/21/2015 8:23:00 AM

I am not the drug counselor, I am a former addict who has been recoverd by friends who took to me and removed me from the sludge of urban discused. I thank them and pray for their years to be many. I was one of the lucky souls who was not the "dependant". Trust me, and listen to no other...there is a vast difference, and when the many truly discover this fact, there will be many as my friends and I are....FREE....much love, james

Hannington Mumo

Date: 7/20/2015 3:04:00 PM

Your story is bitter-sweet tO read and the reader may not understand some bits. Yet, you doubtless are a gifted writer. A well-deserved 7 here...

Janet Runyan
Date: 7/20/2015 3:07:00 PM

Thank you so much. I made some spelling errors and straight up wrong words. My autocorrect is a little screwy but I really appreciate your giving me a 7. I can't thank you enough for saying I'm gifted

Azariah Black

Date: 7/18/2015 9:29:00 AM

I really love this poem...i think its amazing and how your basically asking questions that couldnt be answered at the time...but with time it will be talk soon Azariah,16

Janet Runyan
Date: 7/20/2015 2:58:00 PM

Thank you so much. I do have so many questions. While I feel I understand him the most, I still don't understand that part. Thank you for your comment and for liking it and understand