He Goes

he collects unlived moments
in clear jars 
with tight lids and no labels

he has baggage he will never unpack
on the floor of every closet
dark and silent like moss

He waits for the neighbor 
to bring him leftovers - She cooks 
like the mother he never had
and the wife he'll never want

he wonders why 
the nights bleed to day
and this year has bled him dry

his goal is distant, dim and bitter
but the here is pain and the now regret
and the past is notwithstanding

he wishes he could hope
while he hoped to have wishes
but he feels no gray between the black and white

in each movement forward
there is backward motion
and progress is measured by the love avoided

he looks everywhere but does not see
what he cannot stop from breathing in
“that” which fills his lungs and soul

he longs for something he can not tolerate
desires something that burns him from the inside
tries to hold the very thing his heart rejects

as each unmarked memory and every unfelt touch
haunts him like unpaid bills
he moves through the muck in weighted hip high self-righteousness

he goes because he cannot stop
he breaths because he cannot cry
and he accepts that he cannot feel
Copyright © | Year Posted 2005

Poem

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