Happy?

I had so much going on in my life and that hasn't changed after you left scars on my heart and in my head and although i kind of wish I saw that before the email i still have a chance to apologize not to you, but to last year for all the BS I tried to get myself into because all the flags were painted lime, so that means you were fine, right not quite so i bleached my eyes white you brainwashed me, and i was dirty so i rewashed it rewatched your videos for the last time deleted them defeated the demon in me that still wanted to be inside you hoping that i'll forget your name, because by the time i face my future i'll know there are so many people with your name and i played with them all the same way you wished you could but youre the only one with that name it's fine, i dont care you wouldn't know if i'd remember because if I were you right now, i'd feel like that monarch butterfly i saw on the sidewalk baking in the sunlight unable to fly doomed to disappear i wish i could take a picture so i could show you oh well, maybe it was meant to be forgotten. oh well, maybe it wasn't meant to be just like you werent meant to be loved like she loved me. and i kissed her and it reminded me how it could have been you it's a damn good thing i'll never be good enough for you right?