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Gym'Ll Fix It - Written With Nina Parmenter

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My middle aged spread is just spreading So I thought I should join a new gym Got to fit in my dress for a wedding With some exercise I could get thin I’ve got these new gym pants that sparkle, And a t-shirt that flatters my tum, I look like a fat Meghan Markle, Well, ok, I look like her fat Mum. I’ve got me a personal trainer Who’s worked out an exercise plan And with dieting, it’s a no brainer Plus, who knows, I might find a new man! They all hang around by the free weights, Looking muscly and tanned and exotic, Saying stuff like “hey, I’ll spot for YOU, mate!” It’s terribly **********. I gawp at a steroid packed beefcake his neat package on full display Lifting weights with his very good ‘friend’ Blake It’s a pity they’re overtly gay I’ve a voucher to try spinning classes All the cyclists are dripping with sweat They wobble their cute little ‘asses’ I’m going to get fit you can bet I might have a go at Pilates (All those supple but sensitive men!) But the “down dog” pose makes me quite farty So I might “blow” my chance there and then. The Zumba class gets my heart racing My boobies they wobble like jelly This gym bug I’m really embracing It beats sitting down watching telly Cos it’s fun getting breathless and sweaty While drinking in all of the sights, And so long as the staff don’t eject me, It all counts as cardio, right? All spent, I lie in the Jacuzzi My bikini floats off in the bubbles I look like a desperate floozie I guess that’s the least of my troubles! So here’s hoping I gain some more vigour While my bum shrinks to tiny perfection Who knows, with my smokin’ new figure I might pull at the wedding reception! Written with Nina Parmenter who is a fabulously talented very funny lady and a joy to collaborate with! 2/14/18

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Tania Kitchin

Date: 8/8/2019 6:19:00 PM

Hilarious Jan, glad this gem was featured. You and Nina wrote a hilarious poem! :)

Jan Allison
Date: 8/9/2019 2:39:00 AM

Oh Nina is SUCH a witty lady it was great fun writing with her:-) hugs Jan xx

Fj Thomas

Date: 3/15/2018 8:01:00 PM

LOLOL YOU TWO NEED THERAPY! Or a third member, you got room? I'll admit I didn't get the last line but this thing was a riot!

Jan Allison
Date: 3/16/2018 5:02:00 AM

aww thanks Flo:-) We had such fun writing it! to 'pull' is a British Term I guess and it means to grab the attention of the opposite sex and hopefully get off with them:-) hugs Jan xx

Maurice Yvonne

Date: 2/17/2018 8:53:00 AM

Like Keith said “GENIUS”! Fav!

Jan Allison
Date: 2/17/2018 9:23:00 AM

We did have a giggle writing together:-) hugs Jan xx

Keith O.J. Hunt

Date: 2/15/2018 2:48:00 PM

Very funny girls, true genius!

Jan Allison
Date: 2/15/2018 4:21:00 PM

Thanks Keith glad you enjoyed our fun poem. I'm so delighted for Nina getting pots, she has a great talent for humorous poetry:-) hugs Jan xx

Agnes Krampe

Date: 2/15/2018 6:23:00 AM

I commented on Nina's page, but have to stop by here as well and say again how much I enjoyed this collaboration of two wonderful humorists. I know that funny poems are sometimes disparaged - but we need laughter in this world, and anybody who can write a funny poem that gets another person to smile is doing something important.

Jan Allison
Date: 2/15/2018 10:41:00 AM

Your comment made my day Agnes :-) I hope we have proved that poetry needn't be high brow and stuffy and if we makes folk smile that is so worthwhile:-) hugs Jan xx

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 2/15/2018 4:46:00 AM

- A pleasure to read, lots of exercise for the face and stomach muscles, Jan :)))) - Congratulations to you both - on the p.o.t.d. :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :)

Jan Allison
Date: 2/15/2018 10:38:00 AM

Hope we had your facial muscles smiling! :-) hugs Jan xx

Tom Cunningham

Date: 2/15/2018 4:37:00 AM

Gym fixed it for you. Congratulations ladies Well deserved POTD Tom

Jan Allison
Date: 2/15/2018 10:37:00 AM

Thanks for dropping by I do appreciate your thoughtfulness to comment to me too:-)hugs Jan xx

Mick Talbot

Date: 2/14/2018 8:30:00 PM

A supercalifragilisticexpialidocious poem, and definitely not one bit atrocious owing, to the fact that it is a fantastic collaboration! Regardless I hope you get slim and fit right in your dress. I make that two celebrations! One for fitting in your dress, and the other, that wedding! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious I hope you don't think that I have been atrocious. Hugs... Mick

Jan Allison
Date: 2/15/2018 4:57:00 AM

lol Mick, we had SUCH fun writing together, Nina is a joy to collaborate with:-) The poem was inspired by a comment from Nina and the poem just flowed so well between out e mails:-) hugs jan xx

Ilene Bauer

Date: 2/14/2018 7:54:00 PM

this was an absolute delight, jan! i thought every verse was equally entertaining...

Jan Allison
Date: 2/15/2018 3:17:00 AM

Thanks Ilene, writing with Nina was so wonderful, we share the same sense of humour:-) hugs jan xx

James Horn

Date: 2/14/2018 5:20:00 PM

Ninamic Parameter. Interesting.

Jan Allison
Date: 2/14/2018 5:23:00 PM

Thanks Jim:-) hugs jan x

Lin Lane

Date: 2/14/2018 4:06:00 PM

Oh you two found lots of humor in these quips. Several stand out...I think I know one of yours, Jan. I also like the ones about Zumba and in the Jacuzzi. Well done, ladies.

Jan Allison
Date: 2/14/2018 4:10:00 PM

mail me with the one you think is mine and I will tell you if you are right:-) hugs Jan xx

Alexis Y.

Date: 2/14/2018 3:51:00 PM

Hi Jan, You and Nina wrote a humorous write. Your styles meshed well together. I will go check her out:-) Alexis

Jan Allison
Date: 2/14/2018 3:53:00 PM

She is a very witty lady Alexis i think you will love her style:-) hugs jan xx

Tom Cunningham

Date: 2/14/2018 2:35:00 PM

Jan/Nina, don't know If there's a bug somewhere but I put a comment earlier and when I click the link from my my sent box, loads of other comments there too. Regards Tom

Jan Allison
Date: 2/14/2018 2:49:00 PM

Thanks Tom, i know another souper said they were having issues making comments so maybe there is a little bug in the system:-( hugs jan x