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Gym'Ll Fix It - Written With Nina Parmenter

My middle aged spread is just spreading
So I thought I should join a new gym
Got to fit in my dress for a wedding
With some exercise I could get thin

I’ve got these new gym pants that sparkle,
And a t-shirt that flatters my tum,
I look like a fat Meghan Markle,
Well, ok, I look like her fat Mum. 
 
I’ve got me a personal trainer
Who’s worked out an exercise plan
And with dieting, it’s a no brainer
Plus, who knows, I might find a new man!
 
They all hang around by the free weights,
Looking muscly and tanned and exotic,
Saying stuff like “hey, I’ll spot for YOU, mate!”
It’s terribly **********.
 
I gawp at a steroid packed beefcake
his neat package on full display
Lifting weights with his very good ‘friend’ Blake
It’s a pity they’re overtly gay
 
I’ve a voucher to try spinning classes
All the cyclists are dripping with sweat
They wobble their cute little ‘asses’
I’m going to get fit you can bet
 
I might have a go at Pilates
(All those supple but sensitive men!)
But the “down dog” pose makes me quite farty
So I might “blow” my chance there and then.
 
The Zumba class gets my heart racing
My boobies they wobble like jelly
This gym bug I’m really embracing
It beats sitting down watching telly
 
Cos it’s fun getting breathless and sweaty
While drinking in all of the sights,
And so long as the staff don’t eject me,
It all counts as cardio, right?


All spent, I lie in the Jacuzzi
My bikini floats off in the bubbles
I look like a desperate floozie
I guess that’s the least of my troubles!
  
So here’s hoping I gain some more vigour
While my bum shrinks to tiny perfection
Who knows, with my smokin’ new figure 
I might pull at the wedding reception!

Written with Nina Parmenter who is a fabulously talented very funny lady and a joy to collaborate with!

2/14/18

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Tania Kitchin Date: 8/8/2019 6:19:00 PM Hilarious Jan, glad this gem was featured. You and Nina wrote a hilarious poem! :) Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 8/9/2019 2:39:00 AM Oh Nina is SUCH a witty lady it was great fun writing with her:-) hugs Jan xx

FJ Thomas Date: 3/15/2018 8:01:00 PM LOLOL YOU TWO NEED THERAPY! Or a third member, you got room? I'll admit I didn't get the last line but this thing was a riot! Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 3/16/2018 5:02:00 AM aww thanks Flo:-) We had such fun writing it! to 'pull' is a British Term I guess and it means to grab the attention of the opposite sex and hopefully get off with them:-) hugs Jan xx

Maurice Yvonne Date: 2/17/2018 8:53:00 AM Like Keith said “GENIUS”! Fav! Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 2/17/2018 9:23:00 AM We did have a giggle writing together:-) hugs Jan xx

Keith O.J. Hunt Date: 2/15/2018 2:48:00 PM Very funny girls, true genius! Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 2/15/2018 4:21:00 PM Thanks Keith glad you enjoyed our fun poem. I'm so delighted for Nina getting pots, she has a great talent for humorous poetry:-) hugs Jan xx

Agnes Krampe Date: 2/15/2018 6:23:00 AM I commented on Nina's page, but have to stop by here as well and say again how much I enjoyed this collaboration of two wonderful humorists. I know that funny poems are sometimes disparaged - but we need laughter in this world, and anybody who can write a funny poem that gets another person to smile is doing something important. Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 2/15/2018 10:41:00 AM Your comment made my day Agnes :-) I hope we have proved that poetry needn't be high brow and stuffy and if we makes folk smile that is so worthwhile:-) hugs Jan xx

Anne-Lise Andresen Date: 2/15/2018 4:46:00 AM - A pleasure to read, lots of exercise for the face and stomach muscles, Jan :)))) - Congratulations to you both - on the p.o.t.d. :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :) Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 2/15/2018 10:38:00 AM Hope we had your facial muscles smiling! :-) hugs Jan xx

Tom Cunningham Date: 2/15/2018 4:37:00 AM Gym fixed it for you. Congratulations ladies Well deserved POTD Tom Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 2/15/2018 10:37:00 AM Thanks for dropping by I do appreciate your thoughtfulness to comment to me too:-)hugs Jan xx

Mick Talbot Date: 2/14/2018 8:30:00 PM A supercalifragilisticexpialidocious poem, and definitely not one bit atrocious owing, to the fact that it is a fantastic collaboration! Regardless I hope you get slim and fit right in your dress. I make that two celebrations! One for fitting in your dress, and the other, that wedding! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious I hope you don't think that I have been atrocious. Hugs... Mick Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 2/15/2018 4:57:00 AM lol Mick, we had SUCH fun writing together, Nina is a joy to collaborate with:-) The poem was inspired by a comment from Nina and the poem just flowed so well between out e mails:-) hugs jan xx

Ilene Bauer Date: 2/14/2018 7:54:00 PM this was an absolute delight, jan! i thought every verse was equally entertaining... Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 2/15/2018 3:17:00 AM Thanks Ilene, writing with Nina was so wonderful, we share the same sense of humour:-) hugs jan xx

James Horn Date: 2/14/2018 5:20:00 PM Ninamic Parameter. Interesting. Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 2/14/2018 5:23:00 PM Thanks Jim:-) hugs jan x

Lin Lane Date: 2/14/2018 4:06:00 PM Oh you two found lots of humor in these quips. Several stand out...I think I know one of yours, Jan. I also like the ones about Zumba and in the Jacuzzi. Well done, ladies. Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 2/14/2018 4:10:00 PM mail me with the one you think is mine and I will tell you if you are right:-) hugs Jan xx

Alexis Y. Date: 2/14/2018 3:51:00 PM Hi Jan, You and Nina wrote a humorous write. Your styles meshed well together. I will go check her out:-) Alexis Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 2/14/2018 3:53:00 PM She is a very witty lady Alexis i think you will love her style:-) hugs jan xx

Tom Cunningham Date: 2/14/2018 2:35:00 PM Jan/Nina, don't know If there's a bug somewhere but I put a comment earlier and when I click the link from my my sent box, loads of other comments there too. Regards Tom Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 2/14/2018 2:49:00 PM Thanks Tom, i know another souper said they were having issues making comments so maybe there is a little bug in the system:-( hugs jan x