Grieving Rip Dad

That moment I felt like I couldn't breathe. Everything I felt and thought left me. My mind and soul, suffocating. The very minute the phone started ringing. Just a blink in my eye, you had vanished. The desperation I felt, couldn't stand it. Never know how the hell I will manage. No mending this depth of damage. It's been unstable for me since you been gone. No matter how many drugs that I been on. None of them ever numbed this pain. It's just to strong. Wish I could have said my 'So long'. I'm sorry if I failed you now. Things have been rough since you ain't around. The songs I heard no longer make a sound. Never thought I'd hit the ground, rock bottom, I was meant for space bound. I wonder this Earth now so lonely. Feeling a lot like I'm the only, one who understands or even cares, to even know me. I wear this heavy burden. Smile while I'm hurting. Act as though I can manage, then cry as my back is turning. Maybe I should seek some therapy. In a nut house is where I'd be. You see. I'm ashamed to be grieving. In fear of letting down your legacy. All the 'sympathetic' 'love' I would be getting. Would set me off, end up in house fires, I'd probably be setting. I know you wouldn't be to shocked at this. If it was your's that is missed,, you'd feel this twist. When your heart doesn't just break it shatters. Into a thousand micro pieces, then like that, black confetti, Your emotionally scattered. Battered, tattered, feeling like the mad hatter. And as time goes on, I become madder and madder. Wishing I could go back in time, just to hear your laughter. It fades like a record, from the good old days, scratchy, and warped, the more I try to make it play. I know it will never sound the same. Wish you could see how far I've came.