Greatest Perpetrator

These past few years, I've tried to find your whereabouts, wishing you would return to my loving arms. But, unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. I know I’ve grown accustomed to pain, yet I'm still afraid of what may happen next. I’m afraid of crossing the road; seeing all those cars makes my heart race. You might think I’m overthinking, but what can I do? Memories flash before me like morning sunlight. I wanted to cross that road with you, feeling you hold me tight, but now you’re gone, and the only thing I have to hold onto is my purse. It’s strange how I can write so many words when I can’t say anything when I’m with you. It’s eerie that I’m still fighting even though I was defeated from the start. This feeling of losing you makes my heart long for the yesterday we can’t reclaim. The fact that I can’t do anything about it candidly breaks my heart. I know I must move forward and let time decide, but I just can’t visualize a life without you. It was foolish of me to think that leaving you meant saving you. I thought ignoring each other would make things better, but that hasn’t worked for me. I’m still the perpetrator of the greatest mistake—believing I could cross the road without you.