Gateway to past regrets

I thought that I had matured enought to have the strenght within me To look and accept reality I thought I could look into the eyes of past and accept that it has passed Old camera i haven’t picked up in months is my only gateway to past regrets and memmories Vision blured with tears I can’t get past more than a second of every memory I used to have beautiful people in my life i never could’ve thought that I’ll be looking back with tears so soon I look back at the way i used so be kind and inoccent I wasnt as bad as i thought i was I looked alright and didnt hurt anyone Now i stare at myself and keep thinking How did this happen to me? Within a year I became someone I can never dare to look at I became something past me wouldve laughted at Dates on the memories made me want to roll onto the floor I never could’ve thought that time could be so teribbly unkind I would give away everything to go back and fix everything Body trembles I’m not sure why I might actually be sick or is it the sickness of the regret that i’ve been avoiding for so long Can’t i prolong my easy mind for just a little while? Until regrets of past come to burn me at the steak One thing i can never understand How did i manage to ruin everything i used to have? I miss the people and the places I miss the music and the dances I miss the smell of smoke and liqour I miss the late trains in the middle of the night