Frozen

Cold Hearted, ice-crusted, frozen, dead inside, I thought I was immune but your stinging words cut my heart, I should take it in stride Mean spirited, spiteful, ruthless, arrogant, obtuse expected, accepted I should be use to this abuse par for the course over a lifetime of sorrow happy memories I cling to, clichés I borrow repugnant and reconciled to callous, oversight my bleeding tongue to stay the ire, I bite. unspoken, unbidden pain, anger freshly awash mourning for a childhood lost. Blinded, enraged, still I hope finding sardonic wit, sarcasm, my avenue to cope. you abandon me at every turn secretly for your approval and affection I yearn. I want to be something you treasure cherished, loved, a joy beyond measure. But again I'm met with cold-hearted narcissistic indifference at heart painstakingly I lock away the storm that threatens to rip me apart and quiet the thunder in my head biding my time, pretending all is well, when all I see is intense red You never gave me what I most needed I had to bow to your wishes, my own unheeded. You play the savior when it's to your avail when stories of your mercies you can regale Pompous, egocentric, grinches of grinches above all I still hope your beloved, me you will call. Now there's a new one that hangs on your every word as law She watches you with love and adoration, her radiant face filled with awe. When she was born, I had the fleeting thought you might be to her, what to me you were not. Your love and approval she tenaciously sought. With every callous blow you harden her heart like you've done for so long Always right, you can never be wrong. Cold hearted narcissist I am done with pleas for love and affection I'm done vying for your love and receiving rejection. Now, the lesson you've imparted has been learned, scorned for many years resignation has set, I've dried all my tears. It should be easy to walk away from numbing pain To settle my heart and ease my brain I no longer mourn for what will never be I no longer care if you love me. Putting words to paper, made it all real Anger and sadness remove, indifference reveal