friendly fire

there had been many battles raging mostly within and with himself alter Egos diffusing who was friend or foe to the point of dissolution of Self like a soul grinder on an impossible mission mindful and yet full of fear he had discounted his nuclear warfare as mere skirmishes fully aware that his default setting was resentment in which everyone else was to blame in self defence so much that miserable joy was some consolation concomitant to his plight was the delusion that he knew how to engage well trained in bi-polarity of perpetual quest to be happy and yet eternal and disfigured discontentment had been the outcome of sleepless nights in despair his dreams were of drift sand cliff tops and free fall more wishful thinking than frightening nightmares melancholia’s lullaby crisscrossed with mania always in motion the epiphany remained elusive with darkness his only deceitful companion eventually he found it impossible to escape no medication alcohol nor self-pity managed to numb his thinking emotions nor feelings stupefied paralysis presented a point of no more return today he calls it the gift of ultimate desperation nowadays he would not want it any other way surrender and acceptance of powerlessness have been the hallmark in step with liberation and peace miraculous blessings bestowed gratitude and serenity once a wayward traveller he had finally arrived