Four Stages of Fire

1. INCIPIENT the smell of burning body helps me sleep at night i'd rather ignite this spark in my stomach than shove bread down my throat singe this hollow home choke these lungs with bone dry soil so nothing can grow and maybe they brainwashed me or i did it to myself but all of my dreams lead to being skin and bones the humming of crackling wood whispers "starve" i listen the humming of crackling body whispers "this is all your fault" 2. GROWTH this skin is getting too hot to live in i, the embodiment of a fire breathing dragon i hunch over choke on second hand smoke and misconceptions there are so many ways to feed into desperate too many ways to swallow yourself whole i let this esophagus sizzle and cry i lie arms spread naked on the bathroom floor catching my breath a slab of meat thrown onto a cackling grill fatty and full of blood sized up and bitten into violated by my own opinions of beautiful where bitter where acidic where a dysmorphic enemy does not linger nibbling at my tonsils 3. FULLY DEVELOPED i am engulfed in flames these charred hands stain my body with words like "bony" like "thin" like "sick" this flesh can't escape the freezing creeping up on my being the trembling of limbs the chattering of teeth is a physical trophy "congratulations!" you are one flicker away from broken winter almost melts me christmas and thanksgiving piles of food fresh like flesh mocking me rotting in front of me a mirror image of my organs and intestines abandoned and squeezed some sort of puzzle pieces twisting and breaking i sit quietly they ask "aren't you hungry?" i don't tell them that it is too late for this fire to be put out or how often i dream of drowning 4. DECAY a guilty arsonist i toss my lights and my matches sweep up the ashes what is left of my home and i start building i blow out the candles shove my hands into the wreckage and chew it up i won't spit it out this time i fill myself up i introduce myself to my reflection say, "hello. i am healthy" say, "i've missed you" a phoenix flies over a body she burned a city she burned a world that she burned says "go. go find out what happiness tastes like"