Stella Healy Poet Free verse

Four Stages of Fire

1. INCIPIENT
the smell of burning body helps me sleep at night
i'd rather ignite this spark in my stomach than shove bread down my throat
singe this hollow home
choke these lungs with bone dry soil so nothing can grow
and maybe they brainwashed me
or i did it to myself
but all of my dreams lead to being skin and bones
the humming of crackling wood whispers 
"starve"
i listen
the humming of crackling body whispers 
"this is all your fault"

2. GROWTH
this skin is getting too hot to live in
i, the embodiment of a fire breathing dragon
i hunch over
choke on second hand smoke
and misconceptions
there are so many ways to feed into desperate
too many ways to swallow yourself whole
i let this esophagus sizzle and cry
i lie arms spread naked on the bathroom floor catching my breath
a slab of meat thrown onto a cackling grill
fatty and full of blood
sized up and bitten into
violated by my own opinions of beautiful
where bitter
where acidic
where a dysmorphic enemy does not linger
nibbling at my tonsils


3. FULLY DEVELOPED
i am engulfed in flames
these charred hands stain my body with words like 
"bony"
like "thin"
like "sick"
this flesh can't escape the freezing creeping up on my being
the trembling of limbs
the chattering of teeth 
is a physical trophy
"congratulations!" you are one flicker away from broken
winter almost melts me
christmas and thanksgiving
piles of food fresh like flesh mocking me
rotting in front of me
a mirror image of my organs and intestines
abandoned and squeezed
some sort of puzzle 
pieces twisting and breaking
i sit quietly
they ask "aren't you hungry?"
i don't tell them that it is too late for this fire to be put out
or how often i dream of drowning

4. DECAY
a guilty arsonist
i toss my lights and my matches
sweep up the ashes
what is left of my home
and i start building
i blow out the candles
shove my hands into the wreckage and chew it up
i won't spit it out this time
i fill myself up
i introduce myself to my reflection
say,
"hello. i am healthy"
say,
"i've missed you"
a phoenix flies over a body she burned
a city she burned
a world that she burned
says 
"go. go find out what happiness tastes like"

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Aqua Marine December 31, 2018 at 2:27 AM Brilliant depiction of a Self's destructive urges and the struggle to rise above it all, in victory. You have self awareness, and that will help you. I appreciate your honesty. A "secret revealed" has less power over one. Your poetry is dynamic, well constructed, intelligent and understandable. That bright and beautiful indestructible spirit is alive! I feel for you a lot. ( I have a family member with an eating disorder, so I do understand...) Warm regards. AM.

Phil Capitano December 21, 2018 at 7:57 AM Stella, this is a remarkable poem due to entice anyone with pyromaniac tendencies, eating disorders or just a love to see words dance (I'm in the latter group). The darkness is contrasted by your ability to find light. Love it!

Zebra Black December 20, 2018 at 4:45 PM A sensual feast; dark, a black bite, ooow

Nick Trim December 18, 2018 at 7:40 PM You're very talented, and this was a very intriguing write, amazing stuff, keep writing

Ian Milligan December 13, 2018 at 10:58 AM Amazing!!!!!!

Caren Krutsinger December 10, 2018 at 8:10 PM This has appealed to every single pore in my pyromaniac mind and imagination. I adore fire, love fire, am fascinated with fire, and wish I would have thought to have figured out a way to write it up in such a terrific stage of development. But you have done it, so now I can tick it off my "to do" list, for it has been done in a WONDERFUL way. Kudos Stella!