Forlorn Hope

FORLORN HOPE I accepted it was a forlorn hope; however, I still had a little hope that I kept wishing my mother would give me the answers why she treated me differently, why she criticized, judged, said so many negative things about me to other people, who all told me. I remember decades ago, I asked why she gave me to her sister, which she answered and what were the things she did not like in me or what I did or did not do to her instead of telling other people that she responded it was my father and then silence. I told her, Papa just followed the things she did and she never uttered a word that the complete silence was deafening, piercing that numbed me, made me shiver for deep down I knew she would not answer and I would not know at all. She wanted to die at home that the night she was discharged from the hospital, I went to see her and had a chance to be alone with her for twenty five minutes for I did not want to be in the house full of people who had or still had the Corona virus. I stood beside her bed, leaned and caressed her, lovingly stroking her hair, touching her face, shoulders, arms and holding her hand that I had to let go to seat across her and she reached her hand to hold it longer, while I stood beside her until I had to leave. I told her “I love you” and she answered “I love you too”. That short sweet moment was a week before she passed on. I visited her three more times, each time with so much fear for my other siblings, who also contracted the virus, were there too. The last time I saw her, we were all in her small room, shoulder to shoulder, each of us taking turns to have a moment with her. It was the moment I could not comprehend, a sad, somber one. When it was my turn, I told her “I love you” that she did not respond to and all I got was a stare from her that I gave her a look asking her why she was doing this and I walked away. Was it because my siblings were there and she wanted to show to everybody her indifference to me that they already knew? Why? a question that would never be answered for two days later she passed on and my hope of knowing was crushed. I arranged and took care of her pre-paid memorial service making sure everything would go well and according to her wishes. That was almost three months ago, when she passed and sadly I have not shed a tear for her; but a tear fell when one morning I awoke and thought how my hope for her answers went to pieces, totally forlore and now, I hold a forlorn hope in my heart. 4/16/21 This or That, Vol 2 Poetry Edward Ibeh Title Chosen: Forlorn Hope Checked: PS Grammar checker