For Sean Knowles, 1984-2021, Brother

For My Brother Sean, 1984 -2021 I can't say I'm mad Though mad at you, I am. I cant say I'm sad, Though so very sad I am. I drive a path everyday That leaves me open for dead I pleaded silently to ask you That which I of myself, couldn't ask. I heard the news today That you've been sent away. By bad luck or by choice Or by a lttile of both . Those things that seem so important When you're sober or jonesing. But that final solution Of problems that walk away, Leaves me flat lined emotionally, And leading you astray. Just one more phone call And you take a step off the ledge. Just a text in passing Removing a doubtful wedge. I feel you died When I turned my head, But from this longitude Nothing could've been said. I will myself when I think Of just one word in your ear Would reminded you that It's never over, it's just fear. But you have yourself By not asking, as you Took that last breath And realized, too late, It was never that bad. Are you swimming in God's love Or did you never say help, I would give all To know you've awash in His wealth. My God and my savior Please forgive us our sins And find his faults with me And welcome him in.