For Grandmomma Pt 1

A lot of lessons learned./ I sip this Hennessey and fought the burn./ My mind is clouded with so many memories./ I hear your voice "Boy pick yourself up off your knees"./ But I wonder why God would take you away from me./ Please Lord I need some clarity./ Nothing makes sense. I cry, I can't lie nor deny I'm drowning in my own dark obscurity./ The pain remains inside./ Eating me alive./ I wonder without you if I'll survive./ I try and hide from the responsibilities in my life, but have no success./ So I'm left with this heartache in my chest./ Tears roll down my cheek./ Does that make a man weak?/ God I need to know./ Was it just her time to go?/ So many times I sit down attempting to express what I was feeling,/ but my heart and mind wasn't willing./ Nothing I wrote seemed to be enough,/ to compliment you and your motherly love./ Every time I thought of you I felt like balling up in a fetal position and dying./ I could not write about you without breaking down and crying./ For awhile I carried a bad attitude./ Looking for an excuse to accuse anyone in my family forever disrespecting you./ I think about all the tears my grandmomma shed./ I wished her alive and everyone else dead./ Was it my imagination or was it your pretty face I saw in the clouds?/ I hope you're looking down on me and you're proud./ And you're hearing my voice right now somehow./ I wish there was a button I could push to rewind./ So I can tell you what's on my mind./ Kiss your check./ Have you speak./ Hold you just one more time./ Your passing took away my energy./ You said you would never leave me./ You were always so honest./ So when you broke your promise,/ It left me confused./ I felt cheated and my soul was bruised./ Con't in Pt 2