Footnote

I order an audience, I command an audience but it's a shallow demand so all I ask is for just one only one person come to me please hear me out erase my loneliness even if only for a brief instance but just spare the laughter of hearing my distant theories I have dreams dreams that stretch beyond the ocean origins dreams as tall as mountains, deeper than any chasm though in some freak twist of intuition I don't believe myself to reach any of them Not because of lack of trying nor fierce determination only for the fact of who I am I don't know who I am I blame the world I pin it on being 20 and young I put it upon anything I could place my finger for all the answers I could devise are all fleeting a flutter of birds in pure imagination a search party for a lineage I'm unsure even exists Could it possible in this realm of possibility I could be a descendant of a demi-god given my methods, my reasons, my actions could it be possible to be the fallen offspring of a demi-god the fallen offspring of the god of calamity and misfortune the fallen offspring of forgiveness and love Aphrodite's unfortunate bittersweet son or is this really my fate to never have a home, to just keep roaming keep starting over, keep keep keep Who in the world am I I don't know a dreamer I'm sure I honestly want to fly, grow wings of jealousy and fly with the ravens and crows I want to be any sort of famous only to have that moment when someone can point me out of a crowd call me by name know me for me: all my faults, my values, all of me I want to fall in love for years and years till I have no love to give I want to stand on a rooftop and shout to the heavens on the best day of my life a thank you and a declaration that I'm finally alive I want to break this cycle of loneliness break this lone wolf mentality I've been alone for long enough cause I'm sick of filling the empty spaces with lyrics and the sound of my own voice I want to reunite for even just one night with my dearest Sorceress for closure, for wonder, to rid myself of the anxiety i want none of my friends to leave me again for none of my dearest friends to die on me again I want to live forever more than anything I want to live forever to know what it feels like to be immortal since for 20 years I've only known what it feels like to die look at my track record By force, I've been a nomad manipulated, taken away, returned I've been a label, a package, a footnote while trying to be a poster I don't know, I don't know what to do anymore and it's not lost on me I'm repetitive rewriting the same inspired lines to make sure you're listening make sure you're paying attention my imaginary friends And it's donned on me that my entries are like diaries the boyish version of a female's work of art but I have the mind of a girl in the body of boy so how does that work That's how it has to be I guess I'm out of answers, out of luck, out of everything and looks like I'm out of ears since I'm the only one left on the stage Well I've always been proficient at inadvertently being at fault being the cause, the source, the reason why people leave me freaking perfect freaking great freaking swell Aphrodite, mother answer me please why am I this way Aphrodite, mother please why let me know love if I grow continuously listless in the search of it