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Fireworks Display

Breath held in frozen Color bursts across the night Pop boom sizzle Ahhh

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Debbie Guzzi

Date: 7/3/2010 4:50:00 AM

Doris..what I say next has nothing to do with wether it's a great verse..okies? haiku does not use a title. The 1st line is used as the title like (...breath held in frozen)line 1 would not have the ... (I love line 1!) (line 2 good also)haiku does not capitalize (use low case b,c,p) after line 2 you put either ... or -- (this indicates a cut in thought of a juxtaposition and usually generates emotion in the reader)...I'm uncomfortable with all the verbs in the line3. and it doesn't exactly cut?

Gerard Keogh Jr.

Date: 7/2/2010 5:40:00 PM

That last line is winning as it evokes Rice Krispies for me. I like this one as it is festive and lighthearted. Thank you as always, Gerard

Joseph Spence Sr

Date: 7/2/2010 4:01:00 PM

I like the imagery in this poem. I will be saying lots of Ahhh on the 4th when the fireworks start. I just hope my BBQ don't fall out of my mouth. Great job! Joseph

Carolyn Devonshire

Date: 7/2/2010 1:45:00 PM

Cool use of onomatopoeia in that last line, Doris! I feel like I'm listening to the fireworks right now. Have a great holiday weekend! Love, Carolyn

Susan Mills

Date: 7/2/2010 1:38:00 PM

I like the tempo. Thanks! -Susan

Poet Destroyer A

Date: 7/2/2010 12:49:00 PM

lol yeah you had me at ahhh he he,, enjoyed your write...P.D.