Donna Golden Poet Free verse

Family Secrets

Just when I thought that I knew them all
One tumbled forth from a careless tongue
I’m left a bit stunned, not sure how to feel
About this bit of knowledge revealed

I have known that I almost wasn’t to be
And that Providence ultimately played its hand
But, what I didn’t know until late yesterday
Is that I was to be adopted, for being unplanned

My mother admitted that she didn't think
She could handle more children; she'd already had four
But in the delivery room changed her mind
And decided she'd keep my twin brother and me

I’m left wondering how my life would have been
If I had been raised by somebody else
My life wasn’t easy, was a struggle, in fact
But if all that were different, then I wouldn't be "Me"

It seems odd that I now own this silent ache
For it makes no difference to me in the end
Still, there it is-- the hollow, pervasive pang
In my chest as I ponder this old/new truth

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Debbie Guzzi August 31, 2009 at 5:09 PM well......I have NO idea WHY someone felt you needed to know this BUT...it wasn't for YOUR good it was to relieve something in them. You were KEPT. You were LOVED. That's what matters! BIG hugs. Light & Love

Ernilando Tugaff June 26, 2009 at 8:06 PM Wooooow. Very powerful and provoking one. More success in your poetry writing. God bless. Ernilando

Lord R. E. Taylor June 19, 2009 at 2:17 PM All I can say is WOW! This is very powerful! There are a lot of people out there living your life. Thank you for putting in into words

Veronica Joseph June 18, 2009 at 9:22 AM Your mother loved you and kept you near, my mother let it leak throughout her life and mine that once I was born I was not who she wanted, who she thought I was, and i got in the way of her relationship with my father. She held that againt me until she died SHe and my father went on to have four more children. That hurt does not diminish with time. When you are not wanted, your heart is always sore.

Brian Strand June 18, 2009 at 12:31 AM Thanks for sharing this Donna,I'm sure in God's economy this experience will be used in some way.Thanks for your welcome comments on my posting .Rgds Brian

James Marshall Goff June 17, 2009 at 9:47 PM some hurts bite pretty deep, sounds like this is the case, Donna... poetry will set you free! (thought it was time for lighthearted cliche'!!) jim

Vince Suzadail Jr. June 17, 2009 at 5:11 PM You would be you no matter what. If anything look at your mother's decision as one dominated by love and nothing else. When my wife was pregnant with twins, she was at first afraid to tell me as we were approaching forty and financially strapped but there was no decision to be made. I was so freakin' happy. If the decision made by your mom were different, there would have always been that void in her life. God Bless. Vince

Debbie Guzzi June 17, 2009 at 5:10 PM It's hard for all of us to understand our parents, even after we have become parents. I know it took me 50 years PLUS to understand my Mom and only recently with my release of Maudlin Madonna did one of the last pieces come into place for me. My Mom is gone now..two years. She told me when I asked "what did it mean to you to be a Mother?" I did the best I could,and as an adult..in retrospect..she sure did. HUGS LOVE & Light

Donna Golden June 17, 2009 at 4:01 PM And, no, I don't wish I'd been raised anywhere else, for I am who I am because of my family. Mostly, I am happy with that. I thank you all for your love and support! Donna

Donna Golden June 17, 2009 at 4:00 PM I wanted to comment on my own piece and let everyone know that I understand my mother's position and how she would entertain the adoption choice. I am not angry with her...just felt the sting of this revelation as it was made in a very nonchalant manner. It was from her lips, and she assumed I knew this, as she had previously shared it with my twin brother. I am working through it, and will be alright.

June 17, 2009 at 3:39 PM It amazes me that people feel the need to convey things that can only bring pain. People get scared sometimes and have second thoughts--mothers being no exception. What's important is what people do despite their anxieties and insecurity. Thought provoking piece. Thank you for sharing it and for your kind words on my poem. Karen

Carrie Richards June 17, 2009 at 3:31 PM (Soup Mail, Donna)...I think revising your poem may help you "digest", and sort it all out? Hope so !!

Christopher Higgins June 17, 2009 at 3:20 PM This reveals more than the original...I truly believe that some family secrets should remain secrets because when they are reveal the pain sometimes is too unbearable..I have had to deal with secrets and the end result was a big jolt...I gathered from the last stanza that there was some pain in hearing this news..I hope the healing will come soon...awesome write...awesome heart for sharing....

P Sheart June 17, 2009 at 3:06 PM Sorry for your hurt. Your mother wanted to keep you, couldn't let you and your brother go after holding you both in her arms.She figured no matter what the outcome was, she was going to keep the family together. A beautiful thing. You're very lucky to know such love even though the news of hearing that she thought you might be better off elsewhere, in the end, look what came out of it all. Here's to the beautiful you! Smile....Take care sweet Truly admire the honesty in this.Love Patricia

Carolyn Devonshire June 17, 2009 at 2:45 PM Even though this news seemed sad to you at first, perhaps you will someday realize it was a great challenge for your mother to raise 6 children. Be kind to her. She did make you the loving woman you are today and I'm grateful to have you as my friend. People who have to struggle in life seem to appreciate the happy times more. I hope this will prove true throughout your life, too. Love you! Carolyn

James Fraser June 17, 2009 at 2:42 PM Wonderfull poem Donna, written so lovely with doubt's and positives>>James

Nadia Shahwan June 17, 2009 at 2:25 PM Meaningful and fascinating poem. All the best.