Facing My Fears

Let me believe again in the things that I once held dear. I want to be able to express myself and make it very clear. I want to know how to listen well, to know what is true. To recognize deceit, and knowing what I need to do. I want to face the fear I have, dealing with specific things. To push through it, wanting the clarity, that it brings. Seeing what is real and accept it without averting my eyes. Before making a decision, using logic to analyze. Being mindful, of all that goes on around me everyday. Not to be caught off guard, and having a price to pay. People come and go, be sure that who stays is a friend, someone who is tried and true, loyal to the end. To be loving and kind, but knowing one from the other. Kindness shown, is not a substitute for the love of another. Sadly, I look at things differently, life has made me change. I don't want to give up, I need to learn to rearrange. I am not an optimistic person, a pessimist from the start. It is not easy to be an optimist when being torn apart. My perceptions are not as accurate as they should be. I can't afford to make mistakes, the cost is too high for me. Being open an honest, was what I thought life was about. Unfortunately I learned otherwise, so now I live with doubt. Trying to find a sort of in-between place to be To believe, but not too much, a daunting challenge for me.