Excremental

I cooked a pie with For my husband, the old git, Cos he really had been upsetting me I used a very special pastry That was so light and tasty To help disguise the flavour, OMG! The carrots, leeks and onions Simmered nicely on the hob This is going to be a really special pie Stock cubes, spices, worcester sauce All went in with force The bastard, I hope it makes him die! You see, amongst his clothes upon the floor, It's his floordrobe that's for sure I found his mobile and a text that read Angela I love you, I cannot wait to see you And do unpronounceable things to you in bed! My Name is not Angela!!! So this needs a lot of thought And manners I'd been taught So I'll make him this very special meal If he doesn't gag and hurl His stomach will be in such a whirl And make him oh so very ill. Two final ingredients left To go in this special pie ake mushrooms and gathered from my lawn Our dog will play his part Because of Angela, the tart It's fresh, steaming and still warm! At the dining table that night I could not hide my delight When he covered his with gravy and tucked in I forgot to mention, wasn't my intention That my portion went straight into the bin I am also cooking dessert Which with any luck will hurt Custard simmering nicely on the hob With added mobile phone and sim I hope that it chokes him Next thing going in will be his nob! Later in the evening He looked at me and said Darling, did you find a mobile phone and sim It belongs to my mate Joe He left it in the pub you know Ground, please open up and swallow me in!!!