Erasure - Half Alone
Erasing half of you into another
Merging like flour into water
Swaddled in comforting love.
When alone damp and bone chilled
Staring through rain slicked woodland
Alone with the unknown world
Of leaves and fungus and dark earth.
I am something I was not alone.
There is no fear just grief,
I have forgotten my face, my voice
Is half of you and none of me.
A dogs muddy paw stamped on my calf,
A red robed monk speaks to me
Carrying a bucket, a pot?
My version of reality crumbles
If alone I cannot retain a self.
Crumpling embarrassment,
Effacement of self, of I .
This was me before and now minus half
A soul, a face, a brain, a body.
Your hands that know my body
Better than I do are like my hands,
Used to hold back darkness and fear.
The death of an internal monologue
And safety in solitude or selfishness,
Be consumed by another body,
A Siamese twin.. I never wanted agency.
Alone I forget to eat my mind
Wanders, I make fires, cat lazy
I walk, I doze, I shower,
Warmth is comfort, safety.
Unending rain is a reminder of
Loneliness and others rained on,
Stuck inside. The dogs shuffle
Rearrange their beds, the cat follows
Me, sleeps in my bed.
You cannot live alone for yourself
You cannot live for others forever.
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