Erasure - Half Alone

Erasing half of you into another Merging like flour into water Swaddled in comforting love. When alone damp and bone chilled Staring through rain slicked woodland Alone with the unknown world Of leaves and fungus and dark earth. I am something I was not alone. There is no fear just grief, I have forgotten my face, my voice Is half of you and none of me. A dogs muddy paw stamped on my calf, A red robed monk speaks to me Carrying a bucket, a pot? My version of reality crumbles If alone I cannot retain a self. Crumpling embarrassment, Effacement of self, of I . This was me before and now minus half A soul, a face, a brain, a body. Your hands that know my body Better than I do are like my hands, Used to hold back darkness and fear. The death of an internal monologue And safety in solitude or selfishness, Be consumed by another body, A Siamese twin.. I never wanted agency. Alone I forget to eat my mind Wanders, I make fires, cat lazy I walk, I doze, I shower, Warmth is comfort, safety. Unending rain is a reminder of Loneliness and others rained on, Stuck inside. The dogs shuffle Rearrange their beds, the cat follows Me, sleeps in my bed. You cannot live alone for yourself You cannot live for others forever.