Gareth Heslop Poet Prose

Enormity of It All

Where do you start,
When this world opens up
In front of you,
When this hidden view
Reveals itself in one big bang.

I knew I wasn’t normal
From an early age
But when you hear it all, 
It still shocks.

The attempted murder, rape,
Sexual assaults, 
Suicides, attempted suicides, 
Addicts of all different flavours,
Take your pick. 

Adoptions, 
Brain tumours, 
Autism, 
Kids born blind or deaf.

Deaths? 
Nothing particularly special, 
Just aids, 
Tuberculosis, 
Pneumonia and the rest.

Thank god, 
Thank god for all this.
It saved me, 
It saved my soul from non-recognition, 
From thinking I was the only one screaming out in solitude. 

It explained what was inside, 
Explained why I felt so strongly any external hurt, 
Explained that I couldn’t cause any extra torment, 
That I had to get better.

So I started down the long, lonely path. 
Slowly strained to gain strength, 
From friendships strong and weak, 
From recognition of my soul, 
From mere platitudes given by empty bodies. 

Eventually I reached the point,
The point where I was strong and capable, 
Where I could convince others
Of their meaning. 

Later on, 
After years of cravings I realised, 
I became enlightened. 

I did not need to run,
Run scared of these pools of despair. 
They were vanquished, 
Within my control. 

They may not have disappeared
Completely.
To do that would destroy
Who I was, 
What I had become. 

Just had to somehow strap them down
Release their energy, 
Their passion when needed.
And find my soul-filled place.

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