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Echoes of Purr - First Draft

I heard a song, so sweet it rhymed, Below the ground, nah! above the sky, Echoes of purr woefully chimed, Seducing me, nah! fiddling a fly! Again, my day ends in pretty blue, Behind the log, her paean bloom, Again, my day bloom in her meow, Behind the wall echoes resume. Within the walls my feline trapped, Me, a fool, savouring her last cry, Within my reach the singer pined, Sang the melody, for me to buy! Oh God, let her spirit sour high, I the sinner, never deny!

Copyright © | Year Posted 2024




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Date: 2/11/2024 3:00:00 AM
Congratulations on your win in my First Draft contest with this, sonnet, Janish. I presume that you had aimed for the rhyme scheme of the Shakespearian sonnet: abab, cdcd, efef, gg. The rhymes definitely did not conform to this rhyme scheme, notably ‘trapped’ and ‘pined’, and the prescribed meter, iambic pentameter, for the said sonnet, was not adhered to. This was a good example of the First Draft contest where contestants were asked to post their poems warts and all. Despite its brevity, the content flows well and the tragic ending is perhaps inevitable. ~Suzette
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Jenish Somadas
Date: 2/11/2024 9:02:00 PM
Thank you Suzette for considering my attempt.. Really appreciate your comments also..
Date: 2/10/2024 1:51:00 PM
Wow Jenish - fabulous. Congratulations! :)
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Jenish Somadas
Date: 2/10/2024 10:41:00 PM
Thank you..

Book: Shattered Sighs