Drowning

If I fall asleep What if I don't wake up What if I scream and no one can hear me And no matter how hard I try, I still drown The thoughts of this ever happening to me was frightening But if I'm not the only one with depression Why am I the only one dreaming of this When I finally close my eyes, I feel like I'm being suffocated, my breath slowly fading away and my body still. No movement, not a single gesture. The sound of rain pattering on the window pane The crashing of trees hitting the ground The street lights flickering from the heavy wind And then there was me Lying on my bed With too much on my mind Holding on to nothing more than my fear I was forceful yet frail I was still alive yet completely dead inside I heard a loud crash coming from the floor below me I sprung up from my bed and hurried down the steps Everything entirely covered in water Everything I owned was drowning It would take me a long time to save the things that were most memorable to me I had to do what I thought was smart Though, I wasn’t thinking right nor smart Save other things, Not myself…..YET! Fix other things before I even worry about myself One foot in, six feet deep, reaching for my stuff I slowly drift to the bottom Wrong Choice, once again! I didn't know how to swim, I never learned Never learned how to take care of my own needs So I laid there flat and powerless With my eyes wide open and a steady heartbeat My body oh so cold with no feeling My mind oh so empty with no clear thoughts I felt paralyzed and useless It was crazy how I was unable to save myself But did I really have to I mean, afterall, Wasn’t I just dreaming? But if I wanted to stop my suffering in real life, then I needed to at least try It took me awhile to regain my consciousness My thoughts become somewhat clear again I knew I had something to live for I definitely could get out of this misery I began to fight and fight and fight and fight I felt a painful shock run through the inside of my body It felt real, It was real If I screamed nobody would hear me and just like that Nobody did hear me And no matter how much I tried Nobody came to my rescue This wasn't a movie This wasn't a happily ever after This was real life...Actual feelings, actual thoughts, Actually, me fading away There was no more use for me to fight any longer...I tried I wasn't going anywhere I was just losing oxygen I was wasting my breath My precious breath So I let my body fall once again and this time I didn't scream, I didn't fight and I didn't try I could feel my eyes shutting, my heart stopping and all the thoughts that had been buried deep in my head were now erased And all at once, everything shutdown It was finally all over “Here lies a young beautiful girl who died of depression, in her sleep as she suffered through many trials and tribulations throughout her life. She drowned in her sorrows, her pain and her agony. She drowned in a dream.” “Struggling one foot in six foot deep in the water you are already one foot in six foot deep underground.”