Dream States

Poet's Notes

(Show)

Become a Premium Member and post notes and photos about your poem like Sara Etgen-Baker.

(Image courtesy of premierinnathome.com)

dream states… flakes of sleep drift upon the pillow

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Paige Hind

Date: 12/1/2023 8:48:00 PM

Lovely... I could almost feel the pillow, lol.

Sara Etgen-Baker
Date: 12/2/2023 4:30:00 AM

such a cute thing to say...glad you felt the pillow. Enjoy your day, hugs, Sara

John Lawless

Date: 11/30/2023 9:44:00 AM

Nicely done Sara, there are rules that cannot be broken ....such as...don't hit your little brother, don't pull the cat's tail, don't reach for the last pork chop....need i go on.....eve Shakespeare skipped a syllable and a beat now and then.....

Sara Etgen-Baker
Date: 12/2/2023 4:31:00 AM

yes, some important unwritten rules...rules that even Shakespeare broke. Thanks for your visit and comments. Have a splendid day, Sara

Hilda Greenhough

Date: 11/29/2023 6:52:00 PM

A sparkler of a poem. Flakes of sleep, good; flaky sleep, not so good.

Sara Etgen-Baker
Date: 11/30/2023 5:07:00 AM

thank you, kind Hilda. Enjoy your day, Sara

Christuraj Alex

Date: 11/29/2023 6:42:00 PM

A very powerful monoku.

Sara Etgen-Baker
Date: 11/30/2023 5:07:00 AM

thank you for your kind words & visit. Have a splendid day, Sara

Hilda Greenhough
Date: 11/29/2023 6:54:00 PM

Jeff Connelly

Date: 11/29/2023 5:47:00 PM

I was under the wrong impression that a monoku was written in a single line, but I love what you've done with this one Sara. The half rhyme of "states" and "flakes", along with the idea of a snow drift and drifting off to sleep reminds me of one time when I got hypothermia while winter camping. Of course, that's my personal input to a poem that you've written so well. Thanks

Jeff Connelly
Date: 11/29/2023 7:36:00 PM

I honestly believe that boundaries need to be stretched especially when it comes to creativity; so, don't worry about who gets offended Sara, but more on who "gets it"... As far as my hypothermia, it was actually quite euphoric looking back on it; but then I survived it, so I can tell the tale and laugh about it lol

Sara Etgen-Baker
Date: 11/29/2023 6:06:00 PM

I had a similar understanding of the Monoku in a singular line. I believe that's generally accurate; I did some research and found that some poets take this type of liberty with the form. So I thought, "why not?" Hope I don't offend anyone. Oh my, you had hypothermia while camping..sounds mighty uncomfortable. Thanks for your visit and input, Jeff. Have a great evening, Sara