Dramatic Monologue By a Coldcocked Husband

*original poem follows the Dramatic Monologue Dramatic Monologue by a Coldcocked Husband Yes, you know my wife is nuts, no ifs, but oh her butt. Mercilessly, I fell hard for that cupid-heart face, eyes that were bluebird happiness cute. She hit on me first, then she hit on me again and again. At first I was amused but then there were the bruises. Who said “Dear Janes” are harmless. She wrote it out, then she struck when I wasn’t looking. Really she was “calamity” Jane! She was a hazard I fell hard for. She’s a boob, my company said and I was bonkers for them. They got in the way of reality. Jane started our life with a soft touch of a cardboard tube, flirtatious, felicitous - I was quite merry, turned on by her tap…tap…then whack with a razor thin velum sheet. She caught my cheek. I was like, “Hey…hey…what the…?” She laughed, “oops.” I forgave her but then it happened too many times to count, then she cut my throat. It was the last time my tongue lolligagged out of my mouth. You ask…was it worth it, being murdered by a boob - what’s the boon? Now it’s over - I’ve been coldcocked for the last time. The witch tore the paper in shreds and laid it like ashes on my grave. Forever after I plan my revenge. I’ll be more dramatic - the guillotine: Off with her pretty head! 1/7/2022 Original poem: MURDERED BY A BOOB Mercilessly, no ifs, ands, buts - His wife of one year, who is nuts, Coldcocks him with a paper tube. What’s worse from this wife, who’s a boob, Her killing’s done with paper cuts. 12/18/2021 Sorry the title is sensational and misleading…chuckle