Dramatic Monologue By a Coldcocked Husband
*original poem follows the Dramatic Monologue
Dramatic Monologue by a Coldcocked Husband
Yes, you know my wife is nuts,
no ifs, but oh her butt.
Mercilessly, I fell hard
for that cupid-heart face,
eyes that were bluebird happiness cute.
She hit on me first,
then she hit on me
again and again.
At first I was amused
but then there were the bruises.
Who said “Dear Janes” are harmless.
She wrote it out,
then she struck
when I wasn’t looking.
Really she was “calamity” Jane!
She was a hazard I fell hard for.
She’s a boob, my company said
and I was bonkers for them.
They got in the way of reality.
Jane started our life with a soft touch
of a cardboard tube, flirtatious, felicitous -
I was quite merry, turned on
by her tap…tap…then
whack with a razor thin velum sheet.
She caught my cheek.
I was like, “Hey…hey…what the…?”
She laughed, “oops.”
I forgave her
but then it happened too many times to count,
then she cut my throat.
It was the last time my tongue
lolligagged out of my mouth.
You ask…was it worth it,
being murdered by a boob -
what’s the boon?
Now it’s over -
I’ve been coldcocked for the last time.
The witch tore the paper in shreds
and laid it like ashes on my grave.
Forever after I plan my revenge.
I’ll be more dramatic -
the guillotine:
Off with her pretty head!
1/7/2022
Original poem: MURDERED BY A BOOB
Mercilessly, no ifs, ands, buts -
His wife of one year, who is nuts,
Coldcocks him with a paper tube.
What’s worse from this wife, who’s a boob,
Her killing’s done with paper cuts.
12/18/2021
Sorry the title is sensational and misleading…chuckle
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