Don'T I Deserve a Better Life

Don’t I deserve a better life? Living a life without owning it to someone else is a fantasy A fantasy that seems never to be a reality in this life Why do I have to share my peace with everyone except with me? I have learned to say thank you Even to those wretched things, Is it all I deserve? How will I ever heal if all I have are chronic wounds that are always touched while still open. There is stuff stored inside, Deep inside of me, Will, I ever do good because I want to, Not because I need to? That has never been mine to hold. Is there a day I will be bold enough to feel my peace as others breathe, Will I be able to unmask it? I am learning to release this. The need to stay small, guarded, and caged In my own tiny fortress. I want to find out how loudly I can sing the songs that are always trapped Inside of me. Gifts that everyone can see except me, When will I feel my own kindness? Let my own mask fall on my feet one day, I can make this world Inside of me A world worth living for A world that I haven’t known and I still call it mine, I am going to find out that one day, There’s so much more beauty inside to share with me Than I have ever given myself credit for. I am not trying to be an ungrateful person, Thank you to those things that Make me feel small and trivial They’ve awoken me to this place of Newfound strength, after all. I am gazing at my fantasized strength That I hope to one day find. I’m not building walls anymore; I want to feel my kindness too I hope things will unfold one day.