Don'T I Deserve a Better Life
Don’t I deserve a better life?
Living a life without owning it to someone else is a fantasy
A fantasy that seems never to be a reality in this life
Why do I have to share my peace with everyone except with me?
I have learned to say thank you
Even to those wretched things,
Is it all I deserve?
How will I ever heal if all I have are chronic wounds
that are always touched while still open.
There is stuff stored inside,
Deep inside of me,
Will, I ever do good because I want to,
Not because I need to?
That has never been mine to hold.
Is there a day
I will be bold enough to feel my peace as others breathe,
Will I be able to unmask it?
I am learning to release this.
The need to stay small, guarded, and caged
In my own tiny fortress.
I want to find out how loudly
I can sing the songs that are always trapped
Inside of me.
Gifts that everyone can see except me,
When will I feel my own kindness?
Let my own mask fall on my feet one day,
I can make this world
Inside of me
A world worth living for
A world that I haven’t known and
I still call it mine,
I am going to find out that one day,
There’s so much more beauty inside to share with me
Than I have ever given myself credit for.
I am not trying to be an ungrateful person,
Thank you to those things that
Make me feel small and trivial
They’ve awoken me to this place of
Newfound strength, after all.
I am gazing at my fantasized strength
That I hope to one day find.
I’m not building walls anymore; I want to feel my kindness too
I hope things will unfold one day.
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