Don't I Belong
Hidden though unsought
Ran from myself
Still got caught.
Mind, Body, Soul wrought.
Vengeance no longer mine
And yet I insist to ungently reside
Within the "desperate to love or to be" walls of my own heart.
Most continue to disrespect my house
Yes, I live in my heart
I refuse stubbornly to give in or give up
Forcing my belligerent mouth to remain shut.
Gritting my teeth praying to abstain running away.
The displeasing words that knock on the back of the smile; forced
With an impatient desire to allow angry words to spill out, onto the floor, into their eyes until they can't see out.
I will still love them all-despite my incessant desire for it to cease
If only "just barely" were enough.
It feels like that's all they're willing to gift me.
I've given what I felt I was given to hold, multiplied by more.
Alone is so cold even with 10 winter coats on.
Fortuna Audaces Iuvat
Trying to remain strong-strong.
My whirling mind assaults the clock that won't stop
Possibly because I feel as I'm perceived. Intuitively.
Not just due to self-definition
Expected only to lie, a true story's falsity
Never believed causing my heart's soul to exude profusely.
It's how it's always been-their denial tastes like reprieve
They just tolerate me, my song on repeat?
"Why can't I feel like I belong?"
I want their truest heart minus their pity.
Copyright © Jelani Hall | Year Posted 2017
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