Don'T I Belong

Hidden though unsought
Ran from myself
Still got caught.
Mind, Body, Soul wrought.
Vengeance no longer mine
And yet I insist to ungently reside
Within the "desperate to love or to be" walls of my own heart.

Most continue to disrespect my house
Yes, I live in my heart
I refuse stubbornly  to give in or give up
Forcing my belligerent mouth to remain shut.
Gritting my teeth praying to abstain running away.
The displeasing words that knock on the back of the smile; forced
With an impatient desire to allow angry words to spill out, onto the floor, into their eyes until they can't see out.

I will still love them all-despite my incessant desire for it to cease
If only "just barely" were enough. 
It feels like that's all they're willing to gift me.
Tolerated!?
I've given what I felt I was given to hold, multiplied by more. 
Alone is so cold even with 10 winter coats on.
Fortuna Audaces Iuvat
Trying to remain strong-strong.

My whirling mind assaults the clock that won't stop
Possibly because I feel as I'm perceived. Intuitively.
Not just due to self-definition
Expected only to lie, a true story's falsity
Never believed causing my heart's soul to exude profusely.

It's how it's always been-their denial tastes like reprieve
They just tolerate me, my song on repeat? 
"Why can't I feel like I belong?"
I want their truest heart minus their pity.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2017



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Date: 9/15/2017 10:45:00 AM
many congrats on your win Jelani and welcome to soup:-) hugs jan xx
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Jelani Hall
Date: 9/15/2017 11:02:00 AM
Thank you Jan I really appreciate the accolades. It's helping me learn to express myself while being faceless ??
Date: 9/15/2017 10:07:00 AM
Congratulations Jelani :)
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Jelani Hall
Date: 9/15/2017 11:05:00 AM
Thank you Heidi so much.
Date: 9/15/2017 6:51:00 AM
Welcome to PoetrySoup, Jelani, and congrats on your win. Your poem presents such a vivid description on an emotional state, well done.
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Jelani Hall
Date: 9/15/2017 9:20:00 AM
Thank you very much.
Date: 9/14/2017 11:37:00 PM
congratulations, Jelani!
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Jelani Hall
Date: 9/15/2017 9:20:00 AM
Thank you
Date: 9/14/2017 9:33:00 PM
Wonderful touching and honest write, Jelani, I enjoyed this very much ... thoughtful and intelligent phrasing, and a wonderful flow, melancholy. Blessings and congrats on your win! :-)
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Date: 8/28/2017 6:51:00 PM
Very interesting and passionate. Welcome to PS.
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