Don't associate

Boys will be boys Well, not this boy Don't want to Don't like to Why do I have to Don't associate It doesn't align Learnt differently Lived through my parents' eyes and expectations They became mine Fighting myself Hating myself Internal conflict It's a daily battle Bullied already Bullied at home Nowhere is safe Can't be me Can't express Never myself Never been independent Getting jealous Never have had that luxury or space Crying in the toilets Wishing to wash myself away Ring me dry through the tumble dryer Don't like my body It doesn't fit It isn't mine It doesn't align Nothing aligns Nothing is right Don't associate Don't align I don't mix Feel like an alien Feel like I am lost Feel like I am the only person going through this I wish I was born anew In a different body and different sex Why this sex I hate it and it sinks Can't unpeel it Can't get out of it I am part of it I am never rid of it I have this conflict I hate these expectations Those man up's Hiding those petty "feminine" emotions Boys don't cry Just man up Don't show it To anyone It is a secret to yourself You deny it You hide it You cry about it Don't show it Don't associate Don't express it Don't let anyone see it Things are already bad enough as it is I just want to be myself Be loved Can't have that Can't have this minimum Can't be true