Email Poem

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Poem

Boys will be boys 
Well, not this boy 
Don't want to 
Don't like to
Why do I have to

Don't associate 
It doesn't align  
Learnt differently 
Lived through my parents' eyes and expectations 
They became mine 

Fighting myself 
Hating myself 
Internal conflict 
It's a daily battle 

Bullied already 
Bullied at home 
Nowhere is safe 

Can't be me 
Can't express 
Never myself 
Never been independent 
Getting jealous 

Never have had that luxury or space 
Crying in the toilets 
Wishing to wash myself away 
Ring me dry through the tumble dryer  

Don't like my body 
It doesn't fit 
It isn't mine 
It doesn't align 
Nothing aligns 
Nothing is right 

Don't associate
Don't align 
I don't mix  
Feel like an alien 
Feel like I am lost 
Feel like I am the only person going through this 

I wish I was born anew 
In a different body and different sex 
Why this sex 
I hate it and it sinks 
Can't unpeel it 
Can't get out of it 
I am part of it 
I am never rid of it 

I have this conflict 
I hate these expectations 
Those man up's 
Hiding those petty "feminine" emotions 
Boys don't cry 
Just man up 
Don't show it 

To anyone 
It is a secret to yourself 
You deny it 
You hide it 
You cry about it 

Don't show it 
Don't associate
Don't express it 
Don't let anyone see it 
Things are already bad enough as it is  

I just want to be myself 
Be loved 
Can't have that 
Can't have this minimum 
Can't be true

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