Notes About The Poem

Written for the Pick-A;Title, Vol 39 poetry contest by Edward Ibeh

6 October 2023

 

Disorientation

My distant spirit is dying, 
disheartened, disintegrating and self deprecating.
Defenceless, as hope disappears,
emotionally shipwrecked in deep waters,
yet to be discovered. 

In the sadness of sentimental sighs,
silence is the sinister sister of separation. 

Abandoned in an abode of unfairness,
my heart shimmers creating a crepuscular crescent,
emanating into an emotional eclipse - 
in splitting darkness I've become invisible.

I've lost hope in being found 
among faded stars and moonless nights. 
I'm as transparent as an icicle,
melting in frozen fields of forgotten forever's.

In the deception of dreams,
gradually, the roots of grass begin to decay.
In misty meadows of manifestation, 
sanctuary of my subdued supernova soul, 
slumbers among rotting massacred moths, 
motionless in a crumbling charcoal cocoon.

A slaughtered spirit spawns a suicide of sunshine, 
as ebony eyes create Cimmerian shadows of smoke. 
I've been taken hostage in a vault of torment, 
hoping celestial spheres return soon -
but all I can hear is angels screaming.

I search for those susurration sounds 
of homecoming birds of spring,
bringing the clarity of velvet sheen skies,
floating free like dandelions blowing in the wind, 
unlocking shackles of sorrow, 
easing stubborn tones of reasoning -
but no serenades can be heard.

The season of death is upon us,
so I remain disjointed in discomfort,
displaying dismay at being disowned -
leaving me feeling dizzy in dismal disorientation.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2023

Poem

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Kelii Kekaula Avatar
October 21, 2023 at 8:38 PM
Silent One, your poetic voice transcends a writer's quill. An admirable rendering, and to that, I extend my courtesies to your 1st placement, my friend! Aloha, William
George Avatar
October 16, 2023 at 8:03 PM
Once again back to your soulful poem with congratulations on your well deserved first place win.
Jones Avatar
October 15, 2023 at 1:42 PM
Congratulations on winning the contest Silent One!
Ibeh Avatar
October 15, 2023 at 9:40 AM
Absolutely brilliant penning, SO:-) I absolutely loved your poem. Heartiest congratulations on your top win in my contest!
Situation Avatar
October 12, 2023 at 4:02 PM
A poem of a different type from the coolaboration with Anya. I commented that I loved it enough to copy and frame it. It's the first time I've been influenced enough to frame a poem but It blew me away. Keep up the good work.
Sharma  Avatar
October 8, 2023 at 2:26 AM
Sigh, when the spirit is taken as hostage in the vaults of torment, every ray of hope fades into the abyss and reigns of oblivion dominate everywhere. Your dark writes are always so relatable for me and make me feel quite vulnerable as the fragility and ache hidden behind these lines speak for themselves.. "The season of death is upon us,so I remain disjointed in discomfort","Suicide of sunshine" That's really very profound.. An absolutely impeccable and heart touching take for the contest, wow
Sharma  Avatar
October 8, 2023 at 2:28 AM
The melancholy, poignancy, grief and emotions woven in between different lines with your phenomenal alliteration and metaphors..ahh, so palpable and poetically magnificent "as ebony eyes create Cimmerian shadows of smoke" So many lines I love here, another fav for me!
Buehler Avatar
October 7, 2023 at 12:20 PM
Deep, dark and beautifully composed, Silent One. You are such a talented writer. Best of wishes.
George Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 11:25 PM
"I search for those susurration sounds of homecoming birds of spring, ---------------------------------- --------------------------------------but no serenades can be heard". This touching tale of a demented and disoriented spirit is so heart wrenching! Can this shipwrecked fugitive ever reach safe harbours is a question weighing heavy ! I am sure this is just drama....the protagonist here is a figment of your imagination! Still it touches one's heart so deep by the power of narration and alliterative versification.
Hamilton Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 3:22 PM
Another alliteration masterpiece, loved every word, feels like the dread of winter is weighing heavy in this write. Soon all my faves will be from you!
Hughes Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 2:58 PM
WOW!!! This is much deeper than I can go! There are so many wonderful descriptive an thought provoking lines here, Bravo!!
Andresen Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 2:13 PM
- Heavy chains of grief in an emotional blackout ... it's deep ... very deep, S.O. - Thoughts of death cold as ice ... excellently written - Have a lovely weekend :) - hugs
Kendrick Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 12:28 PM
Whoa~~ Feeling a little down. I hope writing about it and getting it off your chest, has made you feel much better. Thanks for sharing this emotive and expressive work with us. I appreciate the kind review of my work. Sara
One Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:13 PM
It's not my personal feelings but I appreciate your concern..Thank you
Babcock Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 11:16 AM
You are such an amazing writer and your words have so much meaning. I am in awe of the depth and feeling you give in your poetry. love phyl
One Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:12 PM
You are too kind..Thank you
Roper Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 9:44 AM
Amazing. You write from the heart with deep and inspiring emotions. Never let anyone tell you any different. S blessing you are. Hugs and love
One Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:12 PM
Thank you Eve.. I will heed your advice
Poet Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 8:47 AM
Silent One, I am continually in awe of the way you craft your poetry, as it never fails to leave me astounded. The melodic allure of the alliteration captivates the eager reader, guiding them into the depths of the resplendent beauty that lies within your verses. It is truly remarkable how you skillfully convey the conflicting emotions of dissonance and disorientation, my dear friend.
One Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:11 PM
You are always too kind Sotto..Thank you
Buhagiar Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 8:46 AM
The suicide of sunshine. Could happen at the end of the world. But for now we are here and admiring your magnificent display of poetic artistry. Despite the darkness of attitude, I feel there is hope hidden. Your muse is in full swing. Blessings.
One Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:11 PM
Thank you Victor
Showalter Swift Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 7:26 AM
This is... devastating and exquisite I will try to add favorite lines Like the suicide of sunshine when I can get to a computer and use cut n paste Funny I remember the day so long ago when a writer taught me to first use cut n paste lol Ahh ode to flashbacks
One Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:10 PM
Hey Ingrid...Nice to see you..thanks for the feedback
Daniel Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 6:19 AM
Wow!
One Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:10 PM
Thanks
Williams Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 5:04 AM
I'm not sure where you get your inspiration S1, its truly incredible. You've got an amazing Muse, can I borrow him or her for a week or so? I especially love the last four lines. Outstanding. Hugs
One Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:09 PM
You can have it...maybe I will leave it for you in my will...thanks for the visit
Pandit Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 4:57 AM
Disorientation resounds throughout your poem, SO, in superb alliteration and splendid vocabulary. I've lost hope in being found among faded stars and moonless nights--so I remain disjointed in discomfort, displaying dismay at being disowned---amazing how you expressed dissonance of disorientation, my friend.
One Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:08 PM
Thank you Vjay. You are a kind soul
Empress Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:30 AM
Suicide of sunshine! I felt that line and so much more in this poem expressed in such eloquence. Sometimes somethings arent meant to be when one is left helpless and left with no hope, disheartened from the unfairness and selfishness of the world that keeps eating ones spirit, so many stubborn tones of reasoning deserves no place in an empathetic heart. I love the alliterations and the descriptive diction used here and how this flows with such deeply moving and soul hitting lines, my heart hurts
One Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:07 PM
Thank you for your in depth feedback
Empress Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:32 AM
Feeling what you’ve woven here in such a poetic manner that would get any reader to feel so much. Always keep shining, silent one, you are truly a gifted poet, u dont just use poetic techniques but also touch readers soul with the way you express and deliver thoughts in a poignant and profound manner! Love this
Riabi Dziri Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:13 AM
Silent One, you always amaze with your composition of creative poetry! The sound of the alliteration orients your avid reader to the profound beauty of your poetry.. the imagery and well chosen diction meticulously convey the state of a spirit swaying by despair torn by disorientation with a glimpse of hope.. Always an immense pleasure reading your wonderful poetry! God bless you. Best regards.
One Avatar
October 6, 2023 at 1:07 PM
Thank you for your lovely comment Besma
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