Darren White Poet Quatrain

Notes About The Poem

Disintegrate Discreetly

DISINTEGRATE DISCREETLY

I am swimming, see no land;
The sea black darkened silence.
The only sound my grappling hand
In a tinted glass of violence.

No fish no coast no one is there;
Only me in icy stillness.
I look around, can only stare
In pitch black oily darkness.

A naked fish, in water still;
A helpless struggling creature.
A drowning small one, only filled
With lack of past or future

A tiny fleck in waters vast,
To disappear completely
In vortex swirling far too fast;
Disintegrate discreetly.

***

N/A in contest: Premiere I - Open
Date judged: December 27, 2016

2nd place in contest: Contest Form G or GIVE me an NA
Sponsor: Broken Wings
Date judged: February 7, 2017

♡Like0

Share Poem

---

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Phillip Garcia February 26, 2017 at 3:08 AM I've read this about 30 times now - it's rich in how it conveys feelings of overwhelmed frustration that stand out against a rhyme scheme and meter that's dying to read in a happier place. Excellent Darren White February 26, 2017 at 5:52 AM Shame about professional contests not rewarding rhyming poetry anymore though :(

Constance La France February 11, 2017 at 7:36 PM Darren CONGRATULATIONS on your win in my contest with this wonderful poem ~ Darren White February 12, 2017 at 2:24 AM Thank you so much :) I am honoured

Mark Martin February 11, 2017 at 12:08 PM Deep like the ocean itself. Congratulations Darren! :-) Darren White February 12, 2017 at 2:24 AM Mark, thank you :)

Reason A. Poteet February 9, 2017 at 6:53 PM Oil spill? Spill some ink? I do feel the depths in which I swim here at PS. So much talent all concentrated in this sea. Congrats on your win. Darren White February 10, 2017 at 1:05 AM Thank you so much :)

Kim Rodrigues February 8, 2017 at 1:26 PM Lovely and sad. Congrats! 7 Darren White February 10, 2017 at 1:05 AM Thank you Kim!

Janis Medders Tobechi February 8, 2017 at 12:08 AM This is great Darren. It's a winner for sure. Deep and meaningful metaphor. Congratulations. Darren White February 8, 2017 at 1:24 AM Thank you so much, Janis :)

Arthur Vaso January 28, 2017 at 8:18 PM I came to read this one again, ummmm, there must be many a fine poet, alone and drowning in that dark dreary sea. Darren White January 28, 2017 at 11:23 PM yeah, so many of us there, that sea is vast and filled with beautiful words

Claudia Polydoro December 22, 2016 at 8:18 PM I hear you, I see you, I'll be always here for you... no matter how long you take to reach the land, I'll be swimming by your side... <3 you Darren White December 23, 2016 at 2:58 AM Love you, my sweet friend :) <3 Darren White December 22, 2016 at 11:50 PM Thanks Claudia, for being there <3. Apart from the feelings it oozes, though.... This is a poem I am extremely proud of in terms of construction and imagery. As Arthur here below said. And that makes me fond of my dark poem.

Arthur Vaso December 21, 2016 at 9:41 PM I can just feel this, that my friend is true poetry! Darren White December 21, 2016 at 10:06 PM Thank you for the compliment :)

Tim Smith December 21, 2016 at 2:25 PM I can feel you yelling without being heard...you are immersed in love all around. Darren White December 21, 2016 at 2:30 PM Screaming, sort of yes....Thanks Tim

Doug Vinson December 21, 2016 at 1:22 PM Yeah, man - the Ocean - it's always out there. Big, isn't it? Darren White December 21, 2016 at 2:13 PM Especially since you don't know why I am there and where I come from. Doug Vinson December 21, 2016 at 2:03 PM I love that picture, Darren. The sea in its immensity must strike fear in the hearts of legions. Your first line, "I am swimming, see no land;" has great essence in itself. Darren White December 21, 2016 at 1:23 PM No matter how far you swim, you never get to see the coast.

Chris Green December 21, 2016 at 9:18 AM It is easy to feel the loneliness and desperation in this piece. Very effective writing Darren. Darren White December 21, 2016 at 9:22 AM Thanks, Chris. I am happy you can see that. It is exactly as you said.