Disillusion

I have become so tired and lost There’s nothing left within but mistrust Mistrust of myself mistrusting this life Mistrusted you all but now I don’t fight I ended my life every time I could try I ended your love if I knew I would die Even if I still wanted to stand up and live The stains of blood on my face could never forgive In the darkness in the corner I feel it waiting In the mirror, I must warn her I can’t escape it Self-destructive disillusion Just screw it all up With a passion, no confusion I’ll throw myself away Scars are okay if I am smiling My dreams of that day are more than frightening But I can still smile with something to feel now I can start laughing as I hurt myself over what’s real In a question with no answer I find every meaning In a scarecrow looking out there I see a sky deceiving I have the answers, but it’s nothing Only my shadow I’m the scapegoat, I’m a martyr I’m everything but life If you feel the need to know what I am Shut the hell up and just give me the knife