Disarray and Dismay

I’ve endured a thousand thunderstorms in my brain I’ve cured a thousand more to feel your rainfall’s pain I’m apologetic for the wrongs I’ve done to you and all, But I will not fall for your gain’s sake and I will stand tall I’ll make it out alive someday As long as you are the flowers in May I feel this surge inside my heart today I feel this urge to fly away, to fly away You degraded me severely and you aren’t sorry You investigated what was left of me…I’m empty You underestimate my less-than-perfect strengths Your touch is but a blade to my skin in angst I was always stronger than I truly realize I recognize that you don’t care that I fade away I was always no longer your victim of lies Through the lows and highs, I made it today Multiple times, I fought many battles to get where I’m at now…I take a courageous victory vow Somehow, you don’t appreciate and care about me — no, not anymore Simple things and complications of the past wither away as I wipe sweat from off my brow Every now and again, I get jaded by hatred in which I don’t adore I’m minutes away from going back to work after my break At the wake of dawn, I woke up and bothered my dad on a Sunday I’m sorry for the pitiful, ungrateful sins I’ve committed for my own sake My life isn’t at stake thankfully and God forgives me of my disarray and dismay My disarray and dismay My disarray and dismay Fade away…away… At the brink of May I broke it off with you… You couldn’t let me go…you thought that I was your abode It’s the things we do That made us like a destroyed, broken car, ready to be towed I endured a thousand thunderstorms to be without you near I cured my heart by letting go of past regret and fear I’m sorry I lost our trust and beloved, dear relationship But, it was tearing me apart…even our friendship Was toxic from the beginning of time So, it’s time to say goodbye to you, my charm Sometimes, the truth hurts — your lies were a crime Committed and I can’t lie — it did me harm Because every time I end up with you, I end up in disarray and dismay You won’t let me be weighed down too Not this sunshining month of May I feel this surge inside my heart today I feel this urge to fly away, to fly away Blossom like the flowers of May, Despite my disarray and dismay… Disarray and dismay, someday, Will turn to ash I will crash Into His arms of He-does-me-no-harm He’s my haven Your kind of heaven is a lie and a charm I will vanish Away my anguish As soon as I realize I won’t fall for your lies You underestimate my less-than-perfect strengths Your touch is but a blade to my skin in angst Here’s to my goodbyes God, hear my cries Nestled in crooked lullabies, mechanically manipulated by your impaired infatuation By your voice at nighttime Meddled with careless hands like yours…now, I want freedom from this devastation It’s my time to shine — it’s about time! I will survive someday As long as you are the flowers in May I’ll grow and let go of the dismay That led to disarray I want you to know that I once loved you from dusk to dawn I love you and forgive you, wish you knew I am not your last resort or a show for you to watch and rely on All I write down here and all I say is true Just don’t come back For, I won’t backtrack I was always stronger than I truly realize Beyond your lies I was always stronger than you realize Beyond your lullabies I am stronger than I realize Beyond the lies and highs Don’t cry victim to me anymore… I love you, but I let you go to the core