Disarray and Dismay
I’ve endured a thousand thunderstorms in my brain
I’ve cured a thousand more to feel your rainfall’s pain
I’m apologetic for the wrongs I’ve done to you and all,
But I will not fall for your gain’s sake and I will stand tall
I’ll make it out alive someday
As long as you are the flowers in May
I feel this surge inside my heart today
I feel this urge to fly away, to fly away
You degraded me severely and you aren’t sorry
You investigated what was left of me…I’m empty
You underestimate my less-than-perfect strengths
Your touch is but a blade to my skin in angst
I was always stronger than I truly realize
I recognize that you don’t care that I fade away
I was always no longer your victim of lies
Through the lows and highs, I made it today
Multiple times, I fought many battles to get where I’m at now…I take a courageous victory vow
Somehow, you don’t appreciate and care about me — no, not anymore
Simple things and complications of the past wither away as I wipe sweat from off my brow
Every now and again, I get jaded by hatred in which I don’t adore
I’m minutes away from going back to work after my break
At the wake of dawn, I woke up and bothered my dad on a Sunday
I’m sorry for the pitiful, ungrateful sins I’ve committed for my own sake
My life isn’t at stake thankfully and God forgives me of my disarray and dismay
My disarray and dismay
My disarray and dismay
Fade away…away…
At the brink of May
I broke it off with you…
You couldn’t let me go…you thought that I was your abode
It’s the things we do
That made us like a destroyed, broken car, ready to be towed
I endured a thousand thunderstorms to be without you near
I cured my heart by letting go of past regret and fear
I’m sorry I lost our trust and beloved, dear relationship
But, it was tearing me apart…even our friendship
Was toxic from the beginning of time
So, it’s time to say goodbye to you, my charm
Sometimes, the truth hurts — your lies were a crime
Committed and I can’t lie — it did me harm
Because every time I end up with you,
I end up in disarray and dismay
You won’t let me be weighed down too
Not this sunshining month of May
I feel this surge inside my heart today
I feel this urge to fly away, to fly away
Blossom like the flowers of May,
Despite my disarray and dismay…
Disarray and dismay, someday,
Will turn to ash
I will crash
Into His arms of He-does-me-no-harm
He’s my haven
Your kind of heaven is a lie and a charm
I will vanish
Away my anguish
As soon as I realize
I won’t fall for your lies
You underestimate my less-than-perfect strengths
Your touch is but a blade to my skin in angst
Here’s to my goodbyes
God, hear my cries
Nestled in crooked lullabies, mechanically manipulated by your impaired infatuation
By your voice at nighttime
Meddled with careless hands like yours…now, I want freedom from this devastation
It’s my time to shine — it’s about time!
I will survive someday
As long as you are the flowers in May
I’ll grow and let go of the dismay
That led to disarray
I want you to know that I once loved you from dusk to dawn
I love you and forgive you, wish you knew
I am not your last resort or a show for you to watch and rely on
All I write down here and all I say is true
Just don’t come back
For, I won’t backtrack
I was always stronger than I truly realize
Beyond your lies
I was always stronger than you realize
Beyond your lullabies
I am stronger than I realize
Beyond the lies and highs
Don’t cry victim to me anymore…
I love you, but I let you go to the core
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