Did You

I am sitting here all alone, not really knowing how it hit once again, the wealth of emotions that travel here, calm to tears in a matter of moments, sadness that weighs heavy in my eyes, flashes of my memories every day, it is overwhelming, your loss, some days. Looking over at my half empty coffee cup, remembering our private talks of life, the unconditional encouragement, so freely given when others would not, understanding the complexity of me, loving me for just being me. No one has ever said an unkind word, when they pass by and share memories of you, their memories of gentleness, bring the eyes to tears, and my expression to humble, so nice to hear what I already knew. Maybe it is guilt that everything floods back, in never letting you know, who you were in my eyes, hope deep down you did, or hear me now in my whispers and tears. The feeling that has never left, is the belief that you had to pass away from me, for me to reach every goal or success, we talked about over half empty cups of coffee, though I know you can see every step, grief just comes over me, for me to grow, did you think you had to go? October 6, 2011 © Andrew Scott – Just a Maritime Boy 2011