DID nightmare

DID NIGHTMARE having Did is not all that’s cracked up to be. Having to try to remember what you did, day to day Having people say “ I wish I had DID” because when I don’t want to handle something I could just switch. As if I asked to go through the torture and trauma. As if I want to not remember my life. The constant pain both emotionally and physically that comes from having DID. The exhaustion that comes from switching, the constant of having people ask “who are you” or “who am I speaking with”. And sometimes you don’t even know. DID is not all that it cracked up to be. It a daily reminder of abuse, pain, body memories and feeling as if you don’t belong. You look in the mirror and can’t recognize your self. It being in years of therapy and wondering, how much longer It is wishing that the abusers just killed you instead of living years of misery People don’t get the heaviness of DID. You tell someone your a system and lots of the time their faces light up. What the hell, why would someone get a twinkle in their eyes? I wish for a minute I can take a break from my entire body. Live in a body that is not constantly tight, hurting,stiff, be able to fall asleep and not toss and turn. Fighting a battle daily, trying to live like a “normal “ person. But just the simple life stressors makes it feel like I am climbing up a steep mountain, with no oxygen to breathe. Slowly suffocating.