Deteriorate

I watched my father deteriorate he wore away day by day the cancer cells were spreading and our hope had went away when he died it hit me hard I mourned for 3 and half years I carried his death on my shoulders all through my highschool years as of today I will be a certified home health aid my job will be taking care of sick people they say girl you have to be strong for this type of job and I wonder all the time if this choose I made is right because I handled my dad's illness hard doesn't that mean watching someone else deteriorate will pierce my heart more? Or could it be the proper calling I was meant for?