Dear Diary

Dear Diary I am self-destructive and alone, no matter how many people surround me. I dislike people with my head but love them with my heart. I always try my best to help others and put their needs above my own—even to my detriment—because I never want others to feel the way that I do. Unfortunately, this makes me susceptible to malicious intentions, a price I will always choose to pay to do the right thing. I have no family that cares about me despite my efforts, and I will not be remembered when I am gone. I am imperfect, impatient, and angry. But I am also grateful, and I love. The reasons I have to live are the same reasons many others would give to not carry on. My life has been sadness and betrayal. While I know, in theory, I should feel hopeless and depressed, I can’t help but feel happiness. I am a paradoxical existence. I survive in an artificial world whose rules I am forced to abide by. I watch as the technological creations used by billions do the very opposite of their intended purpose—pushing people away from each other instead of bringing them together. I watch as the paradise we walk on daily is destroyed by the greed of humanity, corporations, and corruption. I am helpless, failing in my duty to protect—the very reason for my existence. I am aging, and I am scared. I am young, but I am also old. Not all of my friends made it this far. This fills me with guilt. I see false promises from those who claim to have the answers for humanity yet fail to deliver time after time. I do not play their game. I stand in awe as those around me fight for a system designed to enslave them, dividing them from those they should hold dearest. I have held the hands of people and watched the life and light leave their eyes. I have learned from their experiences and mistakes—their sacrifice—to ensure I do not have to repeat them. This is one of my gifts. I see with more than my eyes. I am not special. I am a link in a chain. Few would say I have been blessed, but many more would say I have been cursed—given the knowledge that the chain I am a part of isn’t real. Yet, despite this knowledge, I still try. Because I am grateful, and I love.